#EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE ALWAYS ENDS UP BEING SO MUCH MORE COMPLICATED THAN IT HAS TO BEEEEE

[millie-multifics]

Soooo if Robby and Colins were a thing when she was a Med Student, do we think he dated Jake’s mom before or after that? Like was Jake just a kid when they were together? Or did they date after Rollins was a thing?

Scenario 1:

Robby working at PTMC as a plain ol' Attending under Adamson, meets Janey super mundanely: at a supermarket or maybe a blind date. Before he knows it, he’s inviting the most important people in his life to Jake’s fifth birthday party to meet his two newest important people. He’s actually taking a step back from the hospital by accepting his days off to take Jake to the Aquarium and maybe requesting a day or two off every once in a while to chaperone school field trips. Then suddenly it’s over, small rifts that built over the years caused the relationship to crack and crumble. Robby moves into a small apartment to prevent the uprooting of Janey and Jake's lives because he's sure the whole situation is already hard enough on the prepubescent middle schooler. It’s hard at first, he throws himself back into his work, not willing to risk the loneliness the separation had caused him. He had loved Janey of course, but something about Jake not being around hit him harder. No more rushing to sports practices after work, no more sitting at the kitchen table going over math equations, no more movie nights pretending he wasn’t falling asleep. When he checks his phone at the end of a shift one day he finds a missed call from her, and he panics because it has been months of no contact... what if something bad had happened?

He calls back, anxiety eating at his chest as the phone rings.

"Jake has a big anatomy project due tomorrow, refuses to accept my help."

Robby goes there straight from work and it starts the reconnection, not between him and Janey, but with Jake. Especially after Jake gets an A+ on the project thanks to Robby's help.

Things start to get lighter for the Doctor again, maybe a little too light when he finds himself endeared with one of the Med Students on rotation. She's smart as a whip, listens and learns but isn't afraid to take charge... it doesn't help that he thinks Heather is absolutely beautiful. He does his best to keep things professional, but they fall into a natural cadence of teasing remarks and soft private moments. Her rotation in The Pitt ends and they try to make it work but for Robby eventually all good things find their inevitable end. They think its over for good, until her residency match is his Emergency department.

Scenario 2:

His relationship with Colins is remarkable, full of love and passion which is what brought its demise. She wanted to focus on her career moving forward, she had so much to learn and the pregnancy she had kept secret only solidified her thoughts on their breakup. Robby did his best to pick up the pieces and move on. He had met Janey months before the pandemic, their time separated by quarantine as he spent his time exhausted moving between the on-call room and his empty apartment, phone charge always low from the countless hours spent on facetime with her and Jake to feel like he had a light at the end of a very dark tunnel.

Then he lost Adamson and pulled back from everything, pushing himself to step up and be who his staff in the Emergency Department needed. But Janey was there when protocols fell away, when quarantine and six feet shrunk to resemble pre-pandemic society even when people were still getting sick, still dying. He brought fresh baggage which complicated the relationship. He bonded with Jake quickly being the only steady male figure the teen had. He would take him to the local park to shoot hoops, regular tickets to the Penguins and Steelers games, bringing himself to the teens level if he ever needed advice. The breakup was hard, but for no one more than Jake who had already been abandoned by one man. Robby assured him that he would always be around when he needed him, that just because things didn't work out with his mom he wasn't going to jump ship on Jake.

[elenadoeslife]

❤️‍🩹

[dreams-and-honor]

I WANT TO DIIIIIE it's been like a week of nonstop attempted adulting and months of being stuck at home I can't fucking take this anymore

[usuallydyinginside]

"No One Mourns the Wicked" is about Glinda, not Elphaba

Okay, but hear me out. Wicked songs are so good at saying one thing and meaning something entirely different once you have more context. For instance, "I'm Not That Girl" is Elphaba singing about Glinda initially, then in Act 2 flips to Glinda singing about Elphaba. Because it turns out, Elphaba IS that girl and Glinda is not. When we meet the Wizard, he sings about how he always wanted to be a father. When you get to Act 2, you get the sad little reprise in the background music as he realizes that WHOOPS, he was one and he destroyed his only kid. "Defying Gravity" starts with "I hope you're happy" in the sarcastic sense and ends with them both using the same phrase to genuinely wish one another well.

"Thank Goodness" is set up as a cheerful engagement song where Glinda genuinely means "thank goodness for how great my life is" and ends in a place where she's insisting that she IS happy even as she realizes her engagement is a sham, her best friend is gone, and she's left with the Wizard and Madame M, who she doesn't even like.

You get the picture.

Basically, the whole musical is about subverting what you expect, starting with the base premise of "what if the Wicked Witch was the hero of the story" and digging in from there.

Honestly, I'd never paid much attention to the first song. It's a good opener, sets things up well, but it has some big competition with later songs. However, in the movie the staging and camera choices made me really notice it for the first time. Because you know what? Someone DID pay attention to that song, and you can really really tell.

For those who need a refresher, the lyrics to the chorus Glinda sings are: And Goodness knows The Wicked's lives are lonely Goodness knows The Wicked die alone It just shows when you're Wicked You're left only On your own I was always so busy noticing Glinda's grief over thinking Elphaba was genuinely dead that I failed to notice Glinda's grief over her OWN fate. The movie did such a good job with this because every time we get to the pink lines about being alone, Glinda IS alone. She is standing apart from the crowd who adores her. Standing above them. Standing at the center of a bunch of people yet still, isolated.

Because in the end, we know that Elphaba DIDN'T die alone. We know she wasn't on her own. We know her life WASN'T lonely ultimately. She had her flying monkey and animal friends. She had Fiyero.

And who does Glinda have?

Everyone, but realistically, no one. She is an ideal, not a person to most of Oz, just as much as Elphaba has become the token scapegoat. Where Elphaba is the "Wicked Witch," Glinda is "Glinda the Good Witch" - she is literally supposed to be the embodiment of goodness.

And what does Glinda have at the end of this whole thing (as of this song at least)? A disastrous end to her engagement, the death of her best friend, a sorceress who has hated her, demeaned her, and dismissed her from the start, and a con man who is also just a symbol more than a person.

I think it really hit me when Glinda throws the fire on the giant effigy of Elphaba. Ariana's acting was SO good there, because I'd expected us to see that private moment of horror or regret. What I didn't expect was the sort of determined and almost angry glare at the effigy.

But it makes sense. At this point, Glinda has realized that she lost everything and everyone she actually cared about.

As she so aptly puts it in "Thank Goodness"...

Though it is, I admit The tiniest bit Unlike I anticipated. But I couldn't be happier, Simply couldn't be happier, Well, not "simply" 'Cause getting your dreams It's strange, but it seems A little, well, complicated.

There's a kind of a sort of cost. There's a couple of things get lost. There are bridges you cross You didn't know you crossed Until you've crossed!

And if that joy, that thrill Doesn't thrill like you think it will Still-- With this perfect finale, The cheers and the ballyhoo! Who wouldn't be happier? So I couldn't be happier, Because happy is what happens When all your dreams come true.

Well, isn't it?

Happy is what happens when you're dreams come true.

It's not Elphaba's fault that Glinda has ended up this way. Glinda chose it every step of the way. Yet, if Glinda had never met Elphaba, (if she'd never known her, you could say), she might have stayed shallow and vain. She might never have been challenged to look deeper and realize how empty it all felt.

So as Glinda sings "No One Mourns the Wicked," she realizes that even if the Munchkins are singing about the "Wicked Witch," she's not.

She's singing about herself.

The one who traded her morals, friendship, and love for a taste of the admiration and power over those who don't really know her. The one who was so worried about being likable that she herself doesn't like who she's become.

Even after she makes things better for Oz and herself by sending the wizard away and getting rid of Madame M, it just leaves Glinda by herself as the leader and source of goodness in Oz. It leaves her on a pedestal she can never step off of.

It leaves her lonely.

Entirely alone.

[ohtobeleah]

Chameleon // Jack Abbot

Summary: When Jack Abbot sees the love of his life has changed her hair colour…it doesn’t go as well as he, or the rest of the ER, would have hoped.

Warnings: Separated Reader x Jack Abbot. Jack Abbot x F!reader. OBGYN Reader. Marriage problems. Mental health issues. Mentioning of divorce. Age gap relationship. Younger female x older male.

Word Count: 2k

Author Note: I’ve used this scene before in a series. But for this one-shot, it was perfect inspiration. I had to revamp and create this little one-shot for my Friday afternoon serotonin boost.

“You know, soon enough you’ll have to sit down and have a genuine discussion about the state of your marriage, brother,” Robby walked with Jack down the bustling ED corridor. The two were getting ready for handover, as they did every morning and night, like yin and yang. “Personally, I think the two of you can work through whatever this is, together. I don’t think a divorce is necessary.” 

There it was…that goddamn word that carried the weight of the world. ‘Divorce’, Jack Abbot hated that word. He always had. But he’d never hated it more than when it became relevant to his own marriage. 

“Besides, I hardly recognise you, all you do is work and go home and listen to that scanner. Then, come back as soon as the sun goes down.” Robby wasn't wrong. He wasn't wrong in the slightest bit. But Jack still didn't appreciate it. 

“Who said anything about a divorce?” Jack growled as he caught the back of someone by the nurse’s station he couldn’t recognise. “Look, it’s complicated,” Jack paused his steps. Robby mimicked his friend's stance as the two continued to talk, all the while Jack never let the blonde in pink scrubs out of his sight. “I love Y/n, and I know she still loves me, because if she didn’t, we wouldn’t be in this mess trying to fix what I broke.” 

It’s an inevitable part of depression. The part where you tend to push people away. The part where self-isolation becomes a form of therapy. Jack knew the solace of being alone far too well. He knew it so well that he forgot that he was married…

And that broke your heart. Enough that the love you had for Jack couldn’t outweigh the pain of his behaviour and lack of affection. Attention. Understanding and empathy. He forgot you even existed. So…You left him. But not before you gave him everything you could. And not without explaining in great detail, why you were leaving. 

Jack needed time and space to better himself. You wanted him to come back to you when he was ready to love you the way you deserved to be loved. You wanted him to realise what he’d done to drive you away. PTSD, untreated depression. It all became too much. 

“You need help, Jack!” He can still hear your words echoing in his mind. “You save people all day and yet you can’t seem to understand that you’re slowly killing yourself with this fucking bullshit!” He knew you were right, you had been from the start. But at the time? Jack wasn't ready to listen. So he watched you walk out of his life instead. “I can’t keep waiting for you to jump off a building because you don't give a shit who you hurt as long as your pain ends, I can't watch you die because you won't let me help you.” 

It's a haunting reminder of his biggest mistake. Letting you go. But a reminder Jack won't ever forget. 

“Who’s the blonde from OB?” Jack followed up his statement with a question that hung heavy in the air. “There’s no blondes in OB? Did we get a new resident?” 

Robby doesn’t answer right away. He simply studies the way Jack's eyes examine every inch of the woman standing over by the nurse’s station. He has to know, right? It’s the woman Robby had only just seen in the elevator ten minutes ago. The woman who had just been sobbing on his shoulder about how much guilt she felt for separating from Jack. 

He needed it, though. Even Robby agreed that Jack had been teetering on the edge of a full-blown psychotic episode. Your separation was the best thing for him. He needed to realise that he was going to lose the one thing that mattered most if he didn’t get a grip on reality. 

“Uhh—“ Robby knew it was you, the blonde that was. You’d told him about your crash-out. The one that ended with a bottle of hair bleach and some not-so-professional measurements. You’d explained how you’d been missing Jack like crazy, but maybe it was time to think about divorce. You weren’t sure if he was ready to change. To help himself get back to a point where he could love you just as much as you loved him. It killed you every day that passed, but you knew if you went back now, Jack would only revert to his old ways. 

And he’d slowly, but surely, been making progress. Robby had mentioned to you that Jack had been seeing a therapist. He wasn’t sure for how long, but he had mentioned it. That gave you a little hope, and eventually stopped the tears from flowing before you had to get out of the elevator. 

“I’m not sure, but let’s—“ Before Robby could think of any excuse to remove himself, and Jack from your trajectory…the normally brooding attending was excusing himself with a smirk only reserved for mischief. 

“Excuse me.” Jack looked at his best friend with the intent to cause trouble before he walked off in the direction where you stood. Not knowing it was you. 

“Oh, well, now I recognise you,” Robby chuckled as he watched Jack saunter off. “This isn’t going to end well—” He groaned through mumbles as he looked anywhere but at the car crash about to happen right in front of him. His hands were tucked deep into his pockets with fear. 

“Hey—!” Jack started as he approached the nurse’s station. “Are you down here for a consultation? I’m not sure if we’ve met. I’m-“ It was worse than a car crash… it was like a double homicide. But not a soul could take their eyes off the scene before them. 

Emergency Room attending physician. Dr. Jack Abbot verves obstetrician and gynecologist Dr. Y/n Abbot. Separated spouses, who can barely work in the same hospital right now, let alone have a conversation face-to-face. 

As you turned around, Jack swore his heart fell out of his stomach. His heart raced inside his chest. You were stunning. He’d never seen you like this before. In all your years, you’d never been blonde. It looked…you looked beautiful. 

“Ahh!” Jack stepped back a little, fear was evident in the lines on his face. Holy shit, what was he supposed to do now? “What did you do to your hair?” Nope…That wasn’t what he should have said. But it was a question with many layers. 

Much like Jack Abbot himself. 

“I—I-I changed it.” You stumbled over your words as your husband, uh, ex? Husband? Separated spouse? asked with a tone you couldn’t tell was good or bad. Self-doubt immediately bubbled to the surface. “I uh, I coloured it.” You reach up and ran your hand through your blonde hair, not usually the standard issue colour. “I just—“ Then, as you stopped your mind from running off with the idea of shaving your head entirely, you caught onto what was happening... 

“Wait, you thought I was someone else?” Your heart sank. Jack didn’t even know it was you, yet here he was.

Jack immediately turned to look back at where he’d left Robby. Much to Jack's dismay…Robby had vanished into thin air. Shit. This wasn’t going to end well. He’d really put his foot in it this time. 

“You didn’t know it was me? And you were hitting on me!?” There was a tone in your voice that had everyone around you on edge. It made the blood in Jack’s head rush south…he liked you a lot when you were being mean to him. 

Langdon, who was only just getting situated with his patient pool for the morning, looked over at Jack with wide eyes and a shocked expression plastered across his smug face. He was so thankful it wasn’t him in Jack’s shoes right now. 

“No! No—“ Jack tried to explain himself. “No, I just thought you were, you know, some blonde.” But he had nothing to explain as he lowered his head and pressed his lips together. 

God help him. 

“Jesus, Abbot—“ You sighed. It was hard enough to love him enough as it was. Now, the idea of him running rampant around the Emergency Department, flirting with anything that moved, was going to ruin the small ounce of strength you had left. “You’re pathetic, and hypocritical—and slutty!” You whispered, shouted through gritted teeth. 

“And you are no blonde!” Jack retaliated, sending the Emergency Department into a buzzing gossip column. It was rare to ever see the two of you together anymore, let alone arguing like a married couple. 

“What did you just say to me?” It was a loaded question, like you were just daring Jack to continue. You stepped closer to where he stood, matching his intense gaze like you knew the way passed and into his heart. He fucking loved you. Being this close made his heart yearn for you. He just wanted you to be his again. 

You can’t pull that off, sweetheart.” The term of endearment slipped off his tongue like it was something Jack said every day. It was…But he wasn’t supposed to be calling you that anymore. Much like he wasn't supposed to be wearing his wedding band. 

It made your heart race. He still noticed you. He still wanted you and only you. He still cared. But not enough for you to trust he had your best interests at heart. 

“Blondes are either badass, or fun, and you’re—“ Jack paused, he was trying to think of something to say that wouldn’t inadvertently hurt your feelings. He was flirting, after all. “You’re a brunette.” 

“Fuck you, old grumpy bastard!” That was all you said as you collected your things and turned away with quick haste. You needed to leave. You were needed for a consultation, and that's what you were here to do. You weren't here to argue with your ex. 

“Damn—“ You heard it as you walked by. Langdon was looking at you like he’d just witnessed a public execution. “If you want my opinion, I think the blonde looks rad.” He smiled. 

“Oh, shut up!” You hissed with enough conviction that it had him thinking you might actually be venomous. 

“That didn’t end well, did it, Romeo?” Robby reappeared as Jack stood idly, watching you walk away. His heart ached, like he had a school-yard crush on the popular girl at school. 

“When did she dye her hair?” He asked softly, kicking himself for not noticing sooner. 

“Two weeks ago,” Robby replied. He knew Jack would take that as an answer he was hoping not to get. An answer to the question he secretly asked. The question was about your hair, but in reality, Jack had asked how long it had been before he noticed you. 

And the fact you’d been walking around like a totally smoke show for two weeks and Jack hadn’t noticed…made his stomach churn with guilt. 

“She’s too good for me,” Jack sighed. He knew he screwed it up. He knew he stuffed up your marriage. He just wanted to get back to you. “But holy shit, she looks good.”

“I think that’s what she was going for,” Robby smiled as he tapped his friend on the shoulder twice. “C’mon, we got hand over to get through Mr. Casanova.” Teasing, Robby coaxed Jack to follow him. 

Meanwhile, you watched on from where you’d run off to, secretly pining for your husband to flirt like that with you again any time. He was coming back to you. 

Slowly. But surely. Jack Abbot was coming back to life.

[claramelooo]

WOVEN FATES (17/20)

Hey!!! What's up??

Let's calm down a little? Haha I know how excited you are, but today chapter is to lighten my beloved ones who still had doubts about R being more than a source. She really is!

I really loved this chapter. So sad, but so beautiful...

And don't blame me, blame my pms! (mommy is needy 😢)

Warnings: angst chapter! Proceed with caution.

MINORS MUST NOT INTERACT

Pairing: AgathaRio x Fem Reader

Summary: Agatha and Rio seek Lilia to give her answers.

Hey! Now I've a masterlist

Amélie

At the beginning, you were just a project.

A source of energy, young and vibrant, ready to be drained to the last drop. Until your skin paled, until your breath turned into a faint whisper, and your eyes closed forever.

They prepared you carefully for this.

The plan was simple: seduce you, shape you, enchant you, make you more and more vulnerable. Make you fall in love with the illusion, lose yourself in their touch, surrender without resistance. And then, at the right moment, they would take everything.

Agatha and Rio had handpicked you, they had felt you. Wanda and Lilia agreed without hesitation. They knew what to do. They knew your last breath of life would be the sweetest.

The purest.

Rio would be the last to drink from you.

The last to hold your soul in her arms and carry it with her forever. Because that was her destiny.

Death.

The last touch, the last kiss, the last goodbye. Rio had always been there, at the threshold between the end and the eternal.

But now…

That simply can’t happen anymore.

They can’t let you go.

Now, you are not a sacrifice.

Now, you are theirs.

Only theirs.

Rio’s studio used to be a sanctuary of chaos and solitude, where she externalized the rebellious waves of emotions that devoured her.

Vidal’s fate had always been complicated.

She hadn’t asked for it.

Carrying the souls of others on her shoulders, feeling their stories, their pain, their last words embedding into her… it was too much. But death never has a choice. Only duties.

And even if Rio tried to escape, pretend she was nothing but flesh and bone, just a woman with paint-stained fingers and eternal dark circles under her eyes, she knew the truth.

Every stroke, every brush, every color carried something beyond reality. Her paintings wept. Whispered. Shattered in sighs and sins that weren’t hers.

It was a burden. A destiny.

Until you.

Most nights, she arrived home at dawn, hands and clothes dirty with paint, eyes tired, chest heavy. Agatha would already be asleep—or pretending to be. Always one step ahead, always distant enough to never be attached to anything.

It didn’t matter. Neither of them needed more.

Until you.

Until Rio discovered what it was like to come home and hear hurried footsteps on the wooden floor, feel arms wrapping around her waist before she could even drop her bag. The warmth of your body against hers, the soft sound of your voice saying, "You were late today."

She didn’t know she needed that.

Didn’t know how good it was to have someone waiting for her.

Agatha, on the other hand, never saw herself as someone who belonged to another.

She had always belonged only to herself.

To her intelligence. To her ambition.

That was how she survived for centuries. That was how she built her empire, stone by stone, blood by blood.

Evanora made sure of that.

Her mother forged her like iron in fire, breaking any weakness before it could even form.

Love? Love was a distraction. Love was a chain, an anchor dragging fools deep enough to surrender to it.

And Agatha would never be a fool.

She watched her sisters burn, saw mercy being punished, saw how those who loved too much always ended up in ashes.

So she made herself strong. Made herself unbreakable. And for a long time, she believed that’s exactly what she was.

Until Rio.

Because Rio didn’t court her with promises or ambition. Didn’t try to conquer her with power plays or seduction.

Rio was free.

And Agatha hated that.

Hated the way the woman laughed without guilt, how she spoke nonsense without fear of looking ridiculous. How she looked at her without fear, without the desire to control or be controlled.

Hated the way, beside her, Evanora’s words didn’t feel so heavy.

At first, Agatha wanted her just to spite her mother. To provoke. But then, without realizing it, she found herself lost in those brown eyes and silly smiles. In the warmth of Rio’s arms, in the way she expected nothing more than what Agatha already was.

She fought it. For two decades, she fought. Because she wasn’t capable of love.

Or at least, that’s what she told herself.

And then came the truth.

Because the woman who enchanted her with easy laughter and casual touches…

Was death itself.

The shock was paralyzing.

Evanora would have laughed. Oh, how she would have laughed!

The brilliant, ambitious daughter, heir to her legacy, seduced not by power, but by the one force in the universe that even magic cannot contain.

Agatha saw her break.

Saw the sweet and calm Rio obliterate everything around her in an instant.

Not out of rage.

But out of pain.

The truth burned, and as much as Agatha wanted to deny it… she knew.

Agatha loved Rio.

Loved the chaos that came with her, and over time, grew to love what she represented.

So when you entered her life, Agatha thought it would be easy and sweet, like strawberry cake.

She knew what to do.

Knew how to manipulate, how to shape, how to take whatever she wanted from you without you noticing. That’s what she did. That’s what she had always done.

And then you relaxed into her arms and called her mommy.

And for the first time in centuries, Agatha hesitated.

You weren’t supposed to unsettle her, but you did.

You weren’t supposed to make her heart pound in her chest, but you did.

You weren’t supposed to make her want more than just possession, but you did.

She felt ridiculous for liking it, but she couldn’t help it. Couldn’t deny the way her voice softened when you said it, the way you fit so naturally in her lap, the way your eyes shone when she praised you.

She tried to deny it. Ignore it.

But every touch of yours was different. Every time you looked at her, without fear, without reverence, something inside her trembled.

Control slipped through her fingers like fine sand.

The first time you called her that, it was a slip.

The second, a test.

Now, it’s inevitable and completely natural.

Now, she doesn’t want to hear you call anyone else that.

Before you… they were empty.

Now, they are overflowing.

And that changed everything.

[...]

The bedroom lighting was dim, and they prowled around you like wolves. Anger exploding in their hearts. Agatha knew that your shabby little friend was a young witch.

Lilia had already warned her.

That’s why, when you asked for permission to go out with Alice after class, it felt like a punch to the stomach.

She could have said no.

You would have obeyed without question.

Because you were good. The good girl of your mommies.

But Agatha didn’t want to.

Something inside her weighed on her, something unsettling and unknown. You were young. You had the right to have a life beyond them. Beyond this.

So, she let you go.

And she never regretted a decision more in her entire existence.

In mere minutes, Agatha explained the situation to Rio, the unease burning in her mind like an omen. Something was wrong. Something had been building up for weeks.

Wanda, always watching, always questioning, always wanting to know why they were taking so long to “lend” you to her and Lilia.

Why the delay?

The answer was simple.

It wasn’t going to happen.

That’s why, that day, when Wanda appeared at the mansion, sniffing the air and saying how much you reeked of Agatha and Rio—it was enough.

Sharing you with Wanda was out of the question.

Rio went back to Los Angeles; she knew Agatha might be right. She had seen this happen once before. And it didn’t end well.

So they cornered you.

Cruel. Sensual.

"Go on, pet. What else did that little whore say about us?"

The touch was gentle, but the words were chosen to hurt.

You weren’t supposed to believe other people.

You weren’t even supposed to question them.

"She said… you only want to use me." Your voice trembled in a whisper. "That I’m just a source…"

The words cut through the air like a sharp blade.

For a moment, the world stopped.

No one moved.

No one even breathed.

Agatha blinked slowly, brows furrowed, head tilted.

Rio remained still, her expression unreadable, but a muscle in her jaw twitched.

The room seemed to fold around you, suffocating, heavy.

Alice was a young witch. Inexperienced. An insect compared to them.

And yet, Alice knew about the sources.

Alice.

Not Wanda.

Not Lilia.

Alice.

But Alice wasn’t supposed to know.

Because that truth existed only between the four of them.

Rio, who had never shared the burden of fate with anyone beyond them.

Agatha, who held her secrets with firm hands and a cruel smile.

Lilia, sarcastic like Agatha but level-headed.

Wanda, intense, ruthless, loyal… Or at least, that’s what they thought.

One of them had betrayed. And the puzzle that had remained intact for centuries shattered right then and there.

Rio was the first to move.

Her dark eyes glowed like a black hole about to consume everything. She stepped forward, the scent of a storm rising in the air.

"Which one was it?" Her voice was a sharp whisper. "Who opened their mouth?"

Agatha’s gaze slid to you, your exhausted figure on the bed, your body still marked by the traces of last night.

She massaged the places where the whip had passed, her hands light and warm, like those of an ancient witch.

She caressed each mark with reverent touch.

"My love," she murmured, spreading a little more ointment on the inside of your thighs. "We’ve seen Wanda do this once before."

Rio paced back and forth like a caged animal.

"But that was centuries ago!" She said, arms crossed over her chest. "And Lilia said she forgave her." Rio pondered, avoiding her wife’s gaze.

"Lilia is too sensible." Your mommy’s hands were on your back. Massaging, caressing, and she smiled when you let out a small sound at how relaxed you were. "She has never put herself or her own will above us."

Rolling her eyes, Rio huffed. "Love…"

She had always been against Agatha’s desire for immediacy. If she suspected someone in a situation, Agatha wouldn’t stop until she had proof. Even if the person was innocent.

Agatha sighed, pulling away from you. The warmth of her touch vanished in an instant, and she got up from the bed, crossing the room with the lethal calm only she possessed.

"I’ll talk to Wanda tomorrow," she announced, her voice as sharp as glass.

Rio let out a brief, incredulous laugh.

"Talk?" She tilted her head, her eyes burning with something close to hatred. "And you really think she’ll admit it?"

Agatha turned to face her. "If it was her, I’ll know."

Rio studied her for a moment. "And if it wasn’t?"

The witch smiled, slow and sharp. "Then someone will pay all the same."

Rio ran her tongue over her teeth, crossing her arms. Her throat was dry. "I’m not like Lilia, Agatha. I won’t forgive."

The subtext was there.

Cruel and clear.

The last time this happened, it almost destroyed them. Almost tore them apart.

Agatha stepped closer, aligning her body with Rio’s, the candlelight shadows dancing over them like silent witnesses.

"I know, love. And that’s why you’re perfect for me."

Their eyes met, and in that instant, an understanding was sealed between them.

They had played this game for centuries. Survived every blow, every ambush, every broken alliance.

But this time was different.

This time, you were at the center of the board.

[...]

The set was alive with the sound of cameras, directors, and extras in their proper places. But Agatha heard nothing. Saw nothing. Time had flattened into a single thought: Where the hell are you?

Minutes before the break ended, a subtle unease made her check her phone. A habit. You always answered. Always came to her. Always obeyed.

Message sent. No response.

Her fingers slid across the screen, calling your name from the contact list. The phone rang four times before going to voicemail.

Agatha waited. Took a deep breath. Called again.

Nothing.

Her jaw clenched, and a weight began to settle in her chest, dense as molten lead. Irritation burned her skin like a persistent fever, but there was something else beneath it—something deeper, darker, something she refused to name.

She felt the tension in her shoulders when an assistant rushed past her. Without thinking, her hand shot out, gripping the woman's arm firmly.

"Where is she?" Agatha’s voice was low, but there was a sharpness to it, something that made the assistant blink in alarm.

"Who?"

Agatha’s patience was a thread about to snap.

She inhaled through her nose, teeth grinding as her mind processed the absurdity of the question. "The intern." The title felt weak in her mouth. Inadequate. "I need to review the script. And she’s not here."

The assistant hesitated, discomfort plain on her face. "I... I haven’t seen her. But I can find Yelena to review—"

Agatha dismissed her with an impatient gesture, her hand moving to her temple as her jaw locked even tighter.

The break ended.

The cast returned.

The extras returned.

The director returned.

But you didn’t.

The unease crept into her bones, replacing anger with something heavier, more unbearable.

That was when her assistant approached.

An uncertain gaze, hesitation in her steps.

She extended her hand. In the center of her palm, cold and silent, was your phone.

"The security guard found this..."

Agatha tore her eyes from her own screen, where she had been trying to call you for the umpteenth time.

The world stopped.

Her gaze fixed on the device, and something inside her tensed like a trap ready to spring. Her fingers wrapped around the phone, gripping it as if she could squeeze answers out of it.

No.

It wasn’t possible.

A second. Two. Her heart stuttered in her chest, erratic.

Fear.

The recognition of the emotion made her nauseous.

She lifted her eyes suddenly, her voice sharp as an ice blade:

"Where is Wanda?"

The woman’s agent barely glanced up from his phone, his expression vaguely distracted. "She went out for lunch."

And in that instant, Agatha knew.

Tension shot down her spine, a distant thunder before the storm.

Her fingers tightened around the phone, knuckles turning white.

"Fuck."

The sound was nearly lost beneath the ringing in her ears.

Her eyes darkened.

"Cancel today's scenes." Her voice didn’t rise, but the weight in it was undeniable. "Everyone is dismissed."

She didn’t wait for a response.

She didn’t notice the confused stares around her as she turned on her heel and stormed out, her purple coat billowing behind her.

Her fingers flew to her phone.

Calling Rio.

Her car was parked just outside, but the keys felt heavy in her hands.

Her fingers trembled as she unlocked the door.

The phone rang.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

Agatha gripped the steering wheel tightly, her breath quickening.

"Pick up, damn it."

The call was finally answered.

"Agatha."

Rio’s voice was steady, but Agatha recognized that hint of concern, as if she had been expecting this all along.

"Meet me at Lilia’s house."

There was a brief silence on the other end. No questions. No hesitation.

"I’m on my way."

Agatha hung up without further explanation.

Her heart pounded, her chest tight with a mix of fury and dread.

If Wanda had anything to do with this, Agatha was going to kill her.

Lilia was sitting at her desk, glasses sliding slightly down the bridge of her nose as she graded her students’ exams. The tip of the red pen struck a firm line through an incorrect answer, and she sighed.

That was when the front door slammed violently.

The sound echoed through the house, rattling the windows.

Lilia closed her eyes for a moment, exhaling a slow breath before saying, without even turning around:

"That was a bit much, don’t you think?"

Rio’s boots echoed against the wooden floor, each step like thunder ready to crash.

"Where. Is. She?"

Rio’s voice was a low growl, something primal and dangerous.

Lilia pushed her glasses up, finally looking at the woman standing in front of her. Rio was tense, shoulders rigid, dark eyes burning, fists clenched at her sides as if holding back violence by a thread.

But Lilia didn’t look surprised. Or scared.

She merely tilted her head slightly, her gaze analytical.

"You’re breaking into my house for this?"

Rio’s jaw clenched. She stepped forward, her shadow swallowing Lilia whole.

"I’m not in the mood for games, Lilia." Her voice was quieter now, more lethal. "She’s missing."

Lilia blinked slowly.

"And you think I’m involved?"

Rio narrowed her eyes, moving in like a predator scenting its prey.

"I think… you know something."

Their eyes locked in a silent duel.

The tension in the air was suffocating.

"Rio," Agatha warned, urging her to step back.

She entered the apartment, noticing the broken door, but even so, she grabbed it and fit it back into place, using her magic to repair the damage her wife had caused.

"I didn’t know you were a carpenter as well as a witch," Lilia mocked, slipping out of Rio’s grasp to sit on the couch, irritated.

"I apologize for that. But you understand what’s happening here, don’t you?"

"Understand?" Lilia scoffed, lighting a cigarette with the lighter on the coffee table.

Long centuries and she had never managed to kick the habit.

"Understand that you two got more attached than you should have?" She pointed the cigarette at both women. "I understand. It’s happened before, hasn’t it?" Lilia let out a hollow laugh, something almost melancholic behind it.

Agatha and Rio both took deep breaths, sinking into the plush cushions.

"But you should know I have nothing to do with this."

"Lilia…" Agatha began. "Where is Wanda?" Her tone was patient, too calm. She knew yelling at Lilia would only slow things down.

Lilia took another drag of her cigarette before answering. The orange glow briefly illuminated her face before she exhaled the smoke slowly, eyes locked on Agatha.

Silence stretched.

Time pulled tight like a thread about to snap.

Rio moved first. Her body leaned forward, hands landing heavy on the coffee table with a dull thud. "Answer, Lilia." Her voice was low, carrying an unspoken threat.

The other woman merely raised an eyebrow, looking bored.

"And what if I don’t know?"

"You know." Rio growled.

The laugh Lilia let out was short, devoid of humor. Her gaze drifted briefly, landing on an invisible point in the room. As if she were seeing something the others could not.

It was Agatha who spoke first, not raising her tone, yet making it impossible to ignore: "I don’t want to play with you tonight."

Lilia finally looked at her.

Her eyes gleamed under the dim light of the room. "But you always know how to play, Agatha."

Her name, coming from Lilia’s lips, sounded like a sharp blade sliding against skin.

The air grew heavier.

Rio felt her shoulders tense. It wasn’t an explicit threat. Not yet. But the game was being set before them, and the scent of danger was palpable.

"Her phone was found on set." Agatha continued, ignoring the provocation. "And Wanda disappeared at the exact same time."

"Coincidence." Lilia murmured, tapping the ash from her cigarette into the ashtray’s edge.

"Coincidences don’t fucking exist." Rio shot back, her patience crumbling.

"You’re right." Agatha admitted, making Lilia and Rio stare at her in disbelief. "We got attached more than we should have. Honestly, I didn’t even know that could happen to women like us…" Agatha trailed off, her eyes lost in the ashtray on the coffee table, watching the gray smoke dance in the air.

"Yeah… it can." Lilia breathed, sadly.

Agatha lifted her gaze, her eyes now firm and unyielding. "I don’t want the same thing that happened to Amélie to happen to her."

Oh.

The name was a punch. A dry crack in the air. A weight settling in Lilia’s chest, constricting each heartbeat.

Her face changed completely. The closed expression, the mask of disdain she always wore, shattered in an instant.

"Don’t say her name." Lilia’s voice was cutting, but there was something fragile beneath it. Something even she couldn’t hide.

The silence that followed screamed. It filled the room, creeping between the three of them, suffocating like an invisible presence refusing to leave.

Amélie’s name wasn’t just a name. It was a specter. A painful memory that had never found rest.

Lilia ran her tongue over her teeth, impatient. She took another cigarette, lighting it with the tip of her fingers. The flame flickered before dying, but the name still echoed in the heavy silence.

Amélie.

Agatha noticed the tremor in her friend’s hands as she brought the cigarette to her lips. "You still feel it, don’t you?"

Her voice came low, almost soft.

Lilia exhaled the smoke slowly. "What?"

Rio crossed her arms, her expression hard. "The absence. The guilt."

Lilia laughed. But it was an empty sound, dry, devoid of humor. "Guilt?" She repeated, testing the word on her tongue, as if it were something bitter. "Every single day."

She closed her eyes for a second, allowing herself to feel. And then, the memory came.

The golden hair—half blonde, half brown. Lilia never really knew for sure.

The soft texture.

The scent of eucalyptus shampoo, a common aroma, but on her, it was different. Unmistakable.

The white veil pinned to her head.

White.

Pure.

Amélie was light.

And Lilia?

"But no amount of guilt I feel. No stupid regret for not fighting for her, for us… will bring her back."

Agatha didn’t reply immediately. Her gaze landed on Lilia’s cigarette, on the way she held it, as if it were a shield. But it was useless. The past always found a way to reach them.

"Did you forgive her?" Agatha asked.

Lilia laughed again, but this time, there was pain in the sound. "Did I have another choice?" She tilted her head back, staring at the ceiling. "I was the one in the wrong. I betrayed you all. My family."

Agatha leaned forward. "Is that really what you think?"

For a moment, only silence answered. Then, finally, Lilia spoke, and her voice was a rough whisper:

"Fuck... of course not. I loved Amélie."

Her throat tightened, her lips trembling, but she kept going:

"I loved her."

Tears streamed from Lilia’s tired eyes. She had seen so many things, met so many people. But no one, no one, had ever compared to her Amélie.

"Of course you did." Rio spoke, her voice mirroring something she understood all too well. "You were never the same again, Lilia."

Lilia shook her head, letting out a shaky sigh. "She was so young. It was unbelievable that someone like her would waste her years inside that damned church. But fuck that." She shut her eyes, a weak chuckle escaping at the memory of the girl and how devoted she was. "I’d give anything to have her here with me."

Agatha blinked slowly, absorbing every word. It was like looking into a mirror.

If she let Wanda destroy everything… she’d end up like Lilia.

Or worse.

Because this time, she would watch Rio fall apart along with her.

Agatha took a deep breath. "Lilia…"

It was a plea. A silent request.

The older woman sighed again, her chest still heavy, but something in her seemed different. Maybe it was the weight shared between sisters. Maybe it was the unspoken understanding that their support for each other was non-negotiable.

Lilia stubbed out her cigarette in the ashtray, watching the ember die.

"Wanda has too many dealings in WestView." She gave them an answer, but lifted her head to look at the women already at the door.

"Do you really think you can stop Wanda?"

Lilia studied the two women before her. The intensity in Agatha’s eyes. The ferocity in Rio’s.

The love and loyalty they shared, binding them in a way that neither time nor darkness could break.

For an instant, she saw something she thought had been lost long ago: hope.

Rio growled. "If she thinks she can touch her, she’ll have to go through me first."

Lilia smiled—a small, almost imperceptible smile, but genuine.

"Then good luck."

And with that, Agatha and Rio left, leaving behind the smoke of Lilia’s cigarette and the sweet memories of a name whispered in the air.

Amélie.

~*~

And who is Amélie? Well... I can tell you this story someday.

Tag List <3

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[phrandallanton]

I've decided to work more on my Eltingville Club OCs. Changed a lot about Vinny, and just wrote a bit about Joesph more. So here's all that! Buckle in, I wrote a lot. More then what I thought I would. Like a WHOLE lot more. More then I ever wrote for a regular OC. (If there's any spelling or grammer mistakes, please let me know!!! Thank you 💕)

"Vinny" (still not her real name lol)

Vinny is a pretty average, rather dumb girl who grew up in a southern town from the middle of nowhere and recently moved to eltingville with her uncle and cousin Joesph due to complications with her family back at home. Though she's not as much as a nerd like the eltingville club is, she is as ignorant and aragont, just not in the geek way to a sertant extent. Vinny absolutely hates anyone that she deems to be "living a better life" than her. This mostly includes popular kids/celebrities and people who are in a relationship. She feels entitled to the kind of attention they get and she doesn't think "they" deserve any of it simply because she's doesn't have it.

Vinny doesn't show it upfront not because she's actively trying to hide the fact that's she's a jealous hating freak, but because she's a coward and knows her actions cause consequences if caught. So most of her harrasment and shenanigans comes from her sitting behind her computer. Yes, she has "70 ALTERNATIVE ACCOUNTS!!!!" She'll harras kids from her school, celebrities, and make tons of forum/blog posts about stuff like how it should of been her to kiss Han Solo and not Leia. (Yeah, maybe she still a hating geek like the Eltingville Club) Though due to her not being the brightest, her harrasment tends to backfire. However, suprisingly enough, her shenanigans will still remain anonymous for the most part.

Vinny only hangs out with the Eltingville Club because Joesph wants her to. She always ends up running her own friendships that she has due to her self destructive behavior, and the Eltingville Club is perfect for someone like that! She is rather possessive of Joesph since he's the only person who tries to include her and actually hangs out with her. He let's her paint his robots and treats her more like a sister rather then a cousin. Of course, this means she gets a bit jealous when Josh comes over to hang out with Joesph.

Which led her to befriending "Greedo318" on the internet.(I can't remember if Greedo had been around since before the epilogue or not. So if not then cancel this part out, or this can be an AU where Greedo did exist for this long) Vinny definitely has no clue that "Greedo318" is Bill and vice-versa. Worst of all she has a crush on "Greedo318", or at least the idea of him. Come on It's a dude that validates her feelings and bad actions, it was bound to happen.

Vinny enjoys hanging out with the Eltingville Club because of the drama. Oh boy does she eat it up. Until something is said about her in a negative way, then she's... throwing it up(?) She's convinced Jerry has a crush on her, or at least finds her to be attractive, all because he's the one out of the four that's the "nicest" to her. So take that as you will.

For Bill she goes back and forth with wether or not she likes him. He'll make comments that she'll takes personally which leads to her trying to ruin something for him. Luckily for Bill, it'll backfire on her just like how everything else does. But then there's been moments were they work together to make someone's life miserable, or even yap about comics.

She couldn't care less for Josh of course. Honestly she's a bit convinced Josh and Joesph might be gay for eachother. Not too sure on how she feels about that. Then there's

Pete, who she can't come up with a solid opinion on. She probably thinks his accent is attractive in a way, and likes that he enjoys horror movies too. (Vinny likes seeing people getting brutally murdered, go figure.) But he's still a bit too "weird" to her.

Other then her negative traits, Vinny is rather odd but your nice typical teenaged girl. She tells stories about her home town, like how the mayor there was an actual pig.

She also has a pretty low IQ, just as low as her self-esteem. So yeah...she's definitely saying some dumb crap and having things fly over her head. She loves animals, arts and crafts, and reading comics cause that's all she really had back at home.

She only recently got introduced to all the other geek stuff by the help of Joesph. Her main obsession is virtual pets since they remind her of the animals she took care of at her grandparents farm when she was younger. Her favorites are her Tamagochi and Furby. She probably also has Neopets and later on got a TON of Webkinz. She would also totally play the heck out of the sims games.

Joesph McGee

Joesph is still the robotics/technology freak he is. The Eltingville Club at this point is probably questioning if he's neodivergent. He's the friendliness guy to walk the planet for the most part. He hates it when the club fights and breaks up. Then gets happy when they make up, thinks it's going to stay that way, and the pattern continues. ("Bill, look at me, this isn't you 🥺" type ahh)

His best friend is Josh, cause of course the two sci-fi nerds are friends! He tends to take his side for most of their arguments and when the club breaks up he's hanging out with him afterwards. He's pretty close with Jerry too, considering they're the only two pretty sane ones from the group. Also Joesph admires how good of a dungeon master Jerry is. He thinks Jerry is cool.

Then there's Vinny of course, he adores her and is pretty protective when it comes to her. He doesn't like that she acts out the way she does, though he doesn't even know half of it. He just wants the best for her knowing her problems just like everyone else in his life.

He's chill with Pete, he likes that he can just pick him up with little to no effort. Pete doesn't like it. Though Pete's liking towrds gore does make him a bit scared.

Bill is a whole other can of worms, Joesph genuinely believes he's a good person that's going to change. Who's gonna tell him? Actually, don't tell him. Let him be delusional.

He's also pretty good friends with IronJaw too, he doesn't mind the spit. Actually, he thinks his braces are sick and wishes he could have them. Would make him look like he had some sort of cool technology thing in his mouth. They don't hang out much but he enjoys talking to him when they're at the comic book store or at school.

Joesph can have his nerd rage moments, though it's very VERY rare. It would take a lot for him to genuinely get mad, and even then afterwards he'll probably end up crying. Most girls actually find him attractive compared to the other guys, until he starts yapping, then they hate him. Poor Joe. He has more potential then the other guys yet still can't get any action. Not that he really cares though, as long has he has robots, he's good.

[vamprincessrina]

𝕳𝖔𝖜 𝖙𝖔 𝕱𝖎𝖓𝖆𝖑𝖑𝖞 𝕾𝖍𝖎𝖋𝖙 (𝕺𝖗 𝕳𝖔𝖜 𝕴 𝕯𝖎𝖉)

I've always struggled with the concept of reality shifting. I had no problem when it came to manifesting in the “confines” of my current reality, but for some reason I could not, for the life of me, apply everything I knew when it came to making that bigger shift. I took breaks, I tried to “change” myself: I tried what felt like everything. And that was the issue. 

I feel like there's a big emphasis in the community on not over-consuming or over-complicating shifting, but that often left my mind wondering why? I was supposed to “know” how to do it, “it's natural”, but my ego had disagreements. I think in the shifting community and, in a broader sense the manifestation community, has this constant reiteration of not questioning yourself, and just “letting it happen”. And of course I don't think that's bad advice necessarily. But, for me (and I'm sure others), that was something that never sat well until I learned better. It was creating so much resistance for me that ended up holding me back for longer than necessary. 

Do not ignore that whisper of doubt inside of you. No, your doubts do not matter. But, that should not be conflated with ignoring them. You will doubt yourself. Your ego exists simultaneously with your highest self. Something that I did for a long time was thinking that I had to completely eliminate that in order to shift. Not only was I creating more doubts and confusion within myself, but I was imprinting in my subconscious that I had to become something in order to shift. 

You can literally be the biggest skeptic on planet earth and if you still persist despite that fact, you can still shift and manifest. Imagine using that energy? 

In the LOA community, it's often encouraged to “live in the end”. You're supposed to feel the feelings of having your desire, right? So, that would mean (or at least it did for me when it came to shifting) that I would have to be happy all the time, right? This can be incredibly misleading, I think, and it's funny how I let it be a factor in my own life when it came to shifting despite being a practiced manifestor. Thinking that you have to be happy all the time can be a very toxic mindset to have with yourself. First off, it can lead to a limerence relationship with shifting; conditioning yourself to believe that in order to be happy it requires being in that reality. Especially if, like me, you have a history with depression. I was basically telling myself that “I wasn't good enough to live in this reality unless I felt like ___.". It can also create a negative relationship with other emotions. No emotion is "good" or "bad". All parts of the ego exist to protect you. I have a post on this that I'd really encourage you to read if you struggle with this.

Another issue that came from my approach was, for the longest time, I was focusing on one reality that I wanted to shift to and told myself through constant affirmations and meditation that I was already there, "I've already shifted", etc. And while, YES, I knew that was true in the 4D, I was not able to shift for the entire year I persisted until I finally gave up. Do you know why it didn't work for me?

Because I wasn't able to fully convince myself that was true. And because of that, I wondered what was wrong with me. Surely, the method was fullproof, right? I told myself that it was because of my maladaptive daydreaming that I couldn't, I told myself it was because I wasn't in a good mental state that I couldn't. I started to unintentionally condition myself to think that anytime that I wasn't living in the end, I wasn't going to shift. I forgot the key part of it: letting go. But I couldn't. I had become so insistent on shifting realities and so stubborn in persisting in the way that I was doing it that it was detrimental to me. I didn't realize that I was boxing myself in: that I was telling myself, subconsciously, that I have to think like "THIS" to shift. I was also only limiting myself to the one reality that I was trying to shift to. I was limiting myself. 

It was ridiculous, really, that it felt so easy to manifest everything else, but not this one thing. It was no wonder I was never shifting. It was no wonder I was constantly crashing and relapsing on self-destructive habits after having a good stint. I was ignoring my ego. I was telling myself, and living, a constant lie. I was so incredibly hard on myself and was teaching myself to believe that I wasn't good enough because I “couldn't” shift which was a problem for multiple reasons.

It was only when I reached the bottom again that I decided to stop being so hard on myself. I stopped telling myself that I had to do x,y,z. I stopped telling myself that the 3D doesn't matter. I love everyone, but I do take a big problem with telling people to ignore the 3D without expanding upon it. Yes. I could probably find a handful of my own posts where I said the same thing. Let me be clear: no, the 3D does not matter. Because it does not define you. However, do not fucking ignore it. Do not neglect yourself. Stop treating the 3D like it's your mortal enemy. 

The 3D is your FRIEND. She is showing you the OLD PROGRAM. Now I want to pause to bring up another issue I had. And that is, putting all the weight on your own shoulders. “Oh, it must be my fault if the 3D isn't shifting”, “I'm not doing it right”, “This isn't working”. Stop, stop, stop. 

Something that often led me astray was conflating “the 3D shows your past beliefs” with “time does not exist”. I used to be so confused by that. Okay, if time doesn't exist and everything is just a “state of being”, and if the “3D is showing my past beliefs”, how does that work? It didn't seem to matter for me when manifesting. I could tell myself that things were going on in the background and I could trust the process. But, when it came to shifting, I kept wondering when the 3D would reflect. It was harder to trust the process because it wasn't like there would be a gradual change like with manifesting. I was expecting to just wake up in the reality I was manifesting and it started to grow increasingly frustrating when I didn't and I continued to tell myself that I was in fact there. 

Once again, I didn't realize I was boxing myself in. I had an EXPECTATION of what the manifestation was going to look like, while manifesting an open ended result to shifting. I kept manifesting that I was in ___ reality, but my ego was like no you fucking aren't? Basically, I was manifesting reality shifting in a way that didn't make sense for me. And by doing that, I was creating resistance.

And while, yes, manifesting that you have something in the 4D works. It IS how you can manifest with LOA. You DO have it in the 4D. It wasn't working for me when I was expecting a stark visual difference. What I'm trying to say is that, my approach to reality shifting using LOA wasn't working for me in the way that I was doing it.

So I took a step back. I got out my journal and I started thinking back on all that I knew. This is what I want to emphasize and what I think isn't said well enough by many. When we say each shifting journey is personal. WE MEAN IT. It took me way too fucking long of being stubborn with Neville Goddard's teachings and what my OWN idea of manifestation was and applying that to reality shifting before I reanalyzed.

If you are a skeptic, NOTE THAT. If you are depressed, NOTE THAT TOO. If you are telling yourself that you're in a different reality than you currently are and you're a naturally skeptic person (this is a self call out), then NO WONDER IT'S NOT WORKING. I was so stubborn in doing it one way until I had to break it down to basics and say, "Oh yeah there's more than one way to manifest so there's a lot more than one way to shift too." No kidding, right? But sometimes it's easy to forget these basics, even when you have experience.

The whole idea of over-complicating shifting (and manifestation) comes more from how much resistance you're creating for yourself and less what you do. I thought that if I tried to do "shifting attempts" then I would be over-complicating it. When in reality, I was over-complicating shifting by trying to constantly affirm something that I don't think I'd ever believe.

So, what did I do? First off, I decided that from now on I would stop telling myself I was in one reality and just "wait" for it to change. I'm sure that works for some people but it sure as hell wasn't working for me. I decided, instead, that I would meditate for a couple minutes before bed and just think about my desired reality. I would only give myself a little bit of time. By doing this, I would be affirming that it should NOT take more time than that to shift. And that, in that time, whatever I did should be enough. If when I stopped and opened my eyes I was still in my old reality, fine! All that means is that there's still more reprogramming to do. Doesn't mean that I'm doing anything wrong.

I would remind myself this at the time of the attempt and throughout the day. No matter how I felt, I would tell myself that, with enough persistence, the time would come where I WOULD shift just like that. I could also just roll over and shift in my sleep. By designating specific times to shift, I stopped letting it rule my life and beating myself up over it.

I would affirm "I believe I CAN shift", "failure does not faze me". Things like that. I also wanted to keep the "attempts" short, because I didn't want to come out of it with anxiety over not shifting. Was I allowed to be upset? YES. I stopped telling myself what I could or couldn't feel. I didn't need a reason to shift to a particular reality. I also no longer only had to focus on one reality by beginning to shift this way. If I wanted to attempt to shift to a FAME DR one night? Sure! If I wanted to attempt to shift to DCU the next? Great!

I stopped defining the "where" I needed to go and more so focused on the "how", if that makes sense. I told myself that this was about believing I can shift, NOT where I can shift. And so I persisted in this. If I decided to take a couple nights off, fine. It still was allowed to happen randomly when I slept. In fact, another thing I started to convince myself was that dreaming was a form of shifting and I sure as hell knew I could dream every night.

Of course, shifting is different than dreaming. But, I always had very vivid dreams. So, I just reminded myself that they're likely controlled by the same part of the brain and that dreaming is just a very loose, uncontrolled, and unintentional shift. And in a way, I do believe that it is. For me, a logician, I knew that I dreamed, lucid dreamed, and even astral projected once before, so it didn't seem unrealistic that shifting was real and was something I could do.

I was reprogramming my mind by doing something hands-on. By doing something measurable and tangible. Which I felt, with something like this, I needed to do. I'm a skeptic person. I have trust issues. If I created a controlled environment for myself to shift, then it could happen. And it did.

I needed trust in order to shift. I needed trust in order to manifest. My way of achieving those two things ended up being different and that's okay. I manifest a little differently than I reality shift. I stopped forcing myself to think that it all had to work the same way because I was limiting myself by doing that. I get depressed. I have trust issues. And that is okay. I still deserve to experience other realities and I don't have to do jack shit. I could have the worst day of my life and I can still meditate 5 minutes before bed and shift just like that. This is the new story I started to imprint on my subconscious.

Failure doesn't matter because I know that in the 4D this method WORKS and the universe is ALWAYS conspiring in my favor. I affirmed this. I reminded myself of this when I got doubts. My doubts were, and are, valid. All I needed to do was continue to have those attempts. Continue to believe that the 3D WILL update. That there is divine timing and have TRUST in that. To trust IS to surrender. I was finally able to surrender when it came to shifting by doing this method. And sure enough, I eventually did shift.

I hope this helps all of those who are frustrated and at their wit's end. Out of anyone else, you deserve it. You deserve it more than anyone just as you are.

 𝕽𝖎𝖓𝖆.

[helliloveit]

Living Room Flow

This was kind of a disaster, longer than i thought it would be, but i like it. I don’t know if Frank is mean mean in here, but whatever this is i live for it. Feedback is always welcomed, kisses. English is not my native tongue.

Frank Castle x f!reader

Warnings: mdni, +18, Mean!Frank (half) he softens as the writing progresses, brat!reader, cop!reader, situationship, spanking, cursing (Frank is a sailor), smut with a plot(?, angst, rough, not a full happy ending.

W.c: 3.2k

Summary: It’s been a complicated day, you are not the best version of yourself, Frank isn’t patient with you this time. You don’t complain even if your feelings get in the way.

You hear the roaring of his truck outside the house and that made you jump over your seat in the couch. Yes, you had a dense afternoon, everything felt suffocating, your job that, thankfully you got out of early today left you with a bunch of tasks you even didn’t know how to start with. The fun thing is that every single friday is like this, and every single time of these Frank went even more bossy than he already is.

He is not your boyfriend, no, there is no love in the way you treat each other, you let him toss around your papers files as long as he offers you some protection, a deal.

Yet, you can’t deny he is sort of endearing, since you have nice amount of time knowing each other, besides the rare ‘friendship’ you had built, he stealthily made his way inside your life, your actions and your decisions in order to: “Ya needa be wise in this, anything you do wrong its a fuckin’ rope around ya neck.” Or whatever he says. Doesn’t matter how many times you roll your eyes, he’s right, being a detective in this city is not merely safe or fair.

Is not fair when you have to read and read and whatever conclusions you get with are rejected because there’s not enough proofs, even if you explained every detail thoroughly, a week of work, all destroyed in front of your face, and that’s exactly what happened to you today.

Something worth adding is that recently he drove his way into your desires too, you don’t even remember when it got to a breaking point, the only thing you know is that Frank carved his name with flames on the skin of your abdomen, he left you like a puzzle’s abandoned piece and you're sure you'll never find a half that fits you like he does. You are screwed. So much more when you realize his sex drive its lower than your willings to work, and that’s bold statement.

That’s also the reason of your bitterness, let’s be clear, you are not sweet, even less with Frank, that man has a sharp tongue, and he does use it. But today, you got to admit you were insufferable. So much that Frank better left the hustle for later, he could handle your back handed remarks, your disdainful looks too, but don’t you dare pushing him or swatting at him for tell you what is right.

The spare key jingles, then he enters the warm illuminated living room as you watch him from your place accommodated on the maroon sofa, the atmosphere grows heavier by seconds, the scowl of his face looks deeper and his movements determined, the creak of the wooden floor under his boots combined with the rumbling of the tv are playing an extra number on your anxiety.

— “You got the files, do you?” His harsh voice vibrates through the upholstered walls then your ears.

— “Yeah, they are in the kitchen aisle.” Your response comes out dry.

He looks back at you confused, where he’s standing he can clearly see the kitchen aisle… empty.

On Frank’s side, if he says he’s not upset with you, that’s pure bullshit. Already lost 5 of his seven patience bars trying to work along with you. And the way you inhale deeply and stand up from the cushions to stamp the documents where they are supposed to be, he already lost two more.

He leaves his jacket on the rack besides the entrance and walks down the little curve to the marbled surface. He exhales stressed when he finishes to read all the titles and none of them are the ones he needed.

—“Sweetheart… i know you are pressed but,” he raises the papers, kind of excusing himself, even if he’s tired of your attitude he doesn’t want to make you sicker.

—“These are not the ones i asked for.” And he attached to his very submissive tone.

That didn’t had any effect on you though, you went back, snatched the goddamn sheets out of his hands, checked for the right name and threw the new folder over the aisle again.

—“Let me know if you want me to read ‘em for you too.” You rumbled annoyed as you turned around to go away.

Hollow silence fills the space.

—“Hah, you little fuck. You stop right there.” It didn’t came out loud, if you wasn’t so attentive at his reaction you wouldn’t have noticed. You look back disgusted, who does he think he is to command you like that? You scoff and keep your tracks and that’s when he raises his voice.

—“I said stop right there, y’ didn’t hear me?” It was too much for you, you weren’t exactly obedient but for whatever reason you froze not so far from where you turned your back at him. You hear him walk, his heavy steps reaching you, suddenly your head feels heated, you love the thrill, and he always knows how to deliver it perfectly.

—“The fuck is wrong with you now, huh?” He lowers his head to get to your eye level. “That attitude is gonna get you places.” He slowly says as his arms rest behind your sides, grasping the cold aisle behind you, one of his hands moved to your face, fixing your jaw in his direction, dwarfing it in his pretty big extension.

—“Think you can blame your pent up frustration on me.” He nods slowly, analyzing every feature in you, something he’s pretty good at.

—“Let go.” You cling to the last bit of rebellion left in your body, lift your chin and slap his hand away with a curse, he backs up, chuckling. Oh, he’s amused. And you’re not sure if he likes the challenge or simply is hilarious to him to witness how deep into the trouble you are getting.

Your breath is growing faster and everything but steady, your hands cold, all of it provoked by the way he’s glaring at you, if you didn’t know him the way you do, you were sure he would be plotting your murder. Frank is one to intimidate people but that’s not quite what is happening to you now, you hate when he hovers over you and slightly tilts his head, even more when he is almost smirking thinking he has you wrapped around his finger.

And maybe he’s right because you kiss him.

Is not the first time it happens anyways, you fist the fabric of his henley, giving a fuck if it’s ruined by the time he needs to get home, you’re pouring every emotion in it and he knows, he pleases you, he lets you climb and tangle around him, press your torso at his firm one, yes, but he is not satisfied, not with the way you had treated him the whole day.

When you take a break he slightly pushes you back from your neck, your hands travel down his chest by the distance.

— “What is it now?” You ask hazy.

—“What it is now? Baby are you aware of the way you had talk to me?” You frown, of course you had been such an ass today but, he can’t deny you a good shake off, right?

—“But-” you start to display your best puppy eyes, he doesn’t let you finish though, you are looking at his own dark gaze until the clink of his belt draws you away from your trance.

—“Nah nothing sweet. Turn around.” The way he plays the the piece of leather off has you pretty distracted.

—“We can talk it over Frank.” He clearly hears the desperation in your voice, whether he wants to calm it is another matter.

—“Oh, we can talk it over now? That’s new.” His hand spins your shoulder until your back is a few inches away his chest, pushes your blade until you feel the cool surface breeze your nipples through the thin fabric of your old tank top.

At this point the anticipation have you teary eyed, you look back at his frame, it is so broad, he is so heavy in his presence it makes your back get goosebumps, even more so when he lifts up the hem of your top to look at it, he made it clear a few times, he loves your back, specifically how it arches when he caresses at your skin with his rusty palms.

The soft interlude ain’t last long.

Both of his hands tugs at the waistband of your sweatpants, so fast the panties get trapped in the motion, leaving you bare, he spreads your cheeks revealing your glistening parts for him to drool at them, he’s dying to bury his mouth in it but he won’t be nice, even if it gets to him more than it gets to you. He clicks his tongue.

—“I don’t think you get a release tonight, too bad for you.” He caresses your slit from start to finish, eliciting a shudder from you.

—“Frank please it’ll be good next time, make me feel good please, i swear.” You rise enough for his stubble to tickle at your temple, you wish you could melt in his body, all you need is a little bit of love and correction, also him to give you what you want.

It aches, he aches, doesn’t like to tell no to his pretty girl.

He hesitates for a few seconds, he needs you too, he feels it burn inside his core. Sadly, He’s a man known for his resilience.

—“Don’t wanna hear a single whine from your lips from now on.” He groans with wet lips in your ear, you’d have clenched your already soaked pussy if he hasn’t pulled your hips back and made you bend over again.

Suddenly you feel his fingers pressing the back of your neck against the gelid material you are lying on. Before you can protest a gasp leave your lips when instead of the leather of his belt a hand lands harshly on your ass, loud and painful.

He always preferred the traditional way.

—“Count five of those for me.” And it’s the shame to be so easily dominated. Subdued not only to his but your own body, you crave him.

—”Fuck you.” You try to wriggle his grip out uselessly, tears already streaming down your cheeks, you are always so brave it plays against you.

You yelp when your hair is pulled by his thick fingers, your neck sting at the forced flexion, and he hovers down to the shell of your ear again, squeezing your body under his, that’s when you notice his hard bulge against your messed folds, he’s as bad as you.

—“You can’t help yourself, can you? Why don’t you count ten instead, it’ll help you ease.” He surprises you with another hard spank.

By the time he has 5, you are sweating, biting your lips so your neighbors don’t have to deal with the consequences of your bitchy behavior too.

—“Ten.” You count anticipating the rough slap, but nothing comes, you look back timidly over your shoulder. He feels his cock twitch at your helpless face. Wet and colored cheeks, those eyes, god, you look like you haven’t been the most prolific brat for the past eight hours, almost like he is punishing you for your mere existence.

Tender strokes covers your manhandled cheek.

—“I think we can leave it like that. It’s been enough for you.”

Oh no, you don’t want to stop, you desperately look for his hand and grab it, leading its travel all over the side of your torso to your tit, you coax a squeeze out of his hand pressing over it. Your eyes enough of a message, a silent plead. His own mind liquid with lust.

—“Such a needy girl.” Frank lowers his head to merge in a tender kiss, your whole body is throbbing, the wet sounds of the smooch traveling right down your clit. You swear he reads it through you cause his point and middle fingers came down to indulge you, everything feels impossibly hotter, if hell has a nice place, this should be it.

The kiss doesn’t stop, and when it does Frank is all over your face, painting it with wet kisses and sweet praises you know you don’t deserve. He keeps rubbing it slowly until he decides it’s enough not for you but him and takes off your sweatpants that, at this point, where further down your shins.

He unbuttoned his pants earlier, predicting the big bother they would turn out, it wasn’t very useful after all, he tugged down the elastic of his boxer along his jeans, you glance down his girth, the tip coated in a wet deep pink.

—“Open up for me baby, would you?” You nod eagerly but he does it for you, rising one of your legs up to his shoulder since you are on your side, he slides part of his forearm down your other knee, guiding it to rest around his hip.

His entrance not so complicated since your wet and slippery like that, the soft sting making you back up a little but he holds you steady, a palm anchored between the crease made of your abdomen and thigh, doesn’t waste his time, coating his thumb in your slick to circle on your swollen bud with the right pressure to make you squeal.

He recognizes when it’s too much for you, eyebrows scrunched and incoherent whimpers, even more now that you are bouncing so much by the force of every thrust he gives you.

He hits that spot over and over, it is so intense you feel the need to grasp onto something but there’s nothing to hold onto, you’re high, sweaty, head lulling until you fix on him, he’s concentrated, grunting over the way you make him feel, burying his fingers in the soft of your skin, and he’s drunk, glaring at you though hooded eyes, god, you’re close, you feel it like a effervescent pill, pushing its bubbles to the surface.

You’re are good at recognize when it’s to much for him too, the disorganized rubs over your clit make you clench on him repeatedly, you would laugh at his efforts to hold together if you weren’t so down bad yourself. His red cheeks, his red chest too, that vein he has on the left of his neck which seemed even more noticeable when was close.

—“Coating me so freaking good baby just keep it like that.” It came out hushed, and you don’t really know if it was the surprise or the shame at his words that shoved you straight into a catastrophic fall beyond the border, but you came, and you came hard, like an implosion, constricted inside of you, throat wrapped on itself.

He did the same, the pulses of your walls swallowed him, and let’s be honest, there was no more bearing left inside of him. His last thrusts came along with loud pants, leaving all his seed in your insides.

Soft strokes of his thumb on your belly were the stimuli which dragged you out of the cloud nine bliss. His head resting near the creek of your neck, his warm breaths over your skin sweet-talking you to doze off.

Your hand found a nice place on his head to scratch, his hair not long enough to tangle but to hide your fingers.

—“Hey, message from earth to the space, are you alright? Do you copy?” Following that, you feel the low rumble of his chest, at least he wasn’t that ‘mad’.

—“Yeah, i’m near the moon now, over.” A chaste kiss is left on your cheek as he raises himself from you. You blush.

—“Agh Frank, that was so corny.” You fake annoyance, the little pull of the corners of your mouth sells you out.

He disappears into the darkness of your hallway. You take the break to get up from the rigid marble table, realizing how much you needed that. After a satisfying stretch, you take your panties off the floor putting them back on you, and serve two glasses of water.

As you engulf your own, you hear him come back stepping more than needed in your leaving room, he drinks the glass you left for him and you turn around to see. You know you shouldn’t feel puzzled by it but you really thought he would stay the night.

Jacket on and his disheveled hair gone, you find yourself astonished by the way the rough angles of his face seemed to soften in such private moments, specially now that his features casted drastic shadows, evoked the looks of a skull, so severe, so stern, is like nothing happened.

You lay your back on the chilly plastic of your fridge, glass is still in hand.

—“Hey, you know you don’t need to leave? It’s pretty late and cold outside, i know you give a fuck about risky so i’m im not bringing that up.” You taunt him, he’s flipping through those goddamn papers again. Finally, he finds what he was searching for. He folds them and buries them in his pocket.

—“Work needs to be done.” And he’s using that cold edge to his voice. It shrinks your heart, but it doesn’t matter, what you feel, it doesn’t.

—“Yeah, whatever,” you do a brief pause, noticing the fidgeting of his fingers, he’s always anxious, despite knowing each other for so long, you can’t entirely read him the way you’d like.

—“I’ll close the door for you.”

—“I have keys y-”

—“Yes Frank i know you do, i gave ‘em to you, c’mon.” You walk down the main door again, the breeze of the night wrapping your bare legs which he is covering with his frame.

—“Take care Frank, i don’t want to stitch your ass together for the hundredth time.” It is a constant struggle, every time he goes away you live it as if it were the last time, it could be both death or the bitter realization that perhaps you weren’t as useful to him, not as relevant as you think you are, both reasons could take him away from you, although you never had him in first place.

You meet his eyes, he was already looking at you, he is pondering something, gears turning in that head of his.

—“Don’t worry about that,” Suddenly he wraps an arm around your waist, hugging you close enough to peck you on the forehead.

—“Y’know you ain’t needa worry ‘bout me.” He caresses the small of your back, you wish he was easier to convince, at this point, and with a lot of persuasion, he’d be happily sleeping on your bed.

You find yourself hugging him tighter, inhaling the scent of his clothes until you let go, your eyes shimmer with something raw, a fresh cut of your vulnerability, he’s aware, he kisses you on the lips, useless like a band-aid on a broken bone. There is no more he can do, regardless. Once you close the door, you are left with the frigid air lingering in your living room.

It’s not that late for a few tears and a couple of wine glasses.

[silverwhittlingknife]

So you're a go to source for all things Dick&Tim bros and you tend to write primarily from Dick's POV. So, odd question, but if you were to summarize their relationship from his POV in FIVE panels which panels would you pick? Keeping in mind that one specific aspect of their relationship that you love needs to be clearly represented by each panel (loyalty, trust etc). I hope this is a fun challenge and not an annoying question so if you don't want to answer that's cool! Have a wonderful day!

No more talk. The same thoughts run through two minds... (SotB 29) / You're my equal. My closest ally. (RR 1) / I can't stop thinking how much I rely on him. (GoG 3)

25 Feelings Dick Has About Tim

This was such a kind ask & a cool challenge which I totally failed; here are TWENTY-five panels of Dick's POV on Tim sdfdsfds Look, I got carried away! Marcia and Cindy! The boys!!

OKAY SO BEFORE I GET TO THE PANELS A FEW NOTES:

WARNING THAT THERE ARE SOME NEGATIVE EMOTIONS IN HERE because I love conflict but but but you gotta remember those are not the final word!! They are complicated people and sometimes they get mad at each other BUT ultimately their relationship is so hugely important in both their lives & they love each other and rely on each other so much -!!! <3

Also I have CONCLUDING THOUGHTS at the end about what Dick's POV leaves out (mostly: a lot of Dick defending & protecting & supporting Tim, which Dick does instinctively but isn't very self-aware about most of the time)

I have loosely organized my list into 5^5 format (5 categories with 5 examples each!), so if you want to skip to a relevant one, here are the categories!!

Below the cut:

I hate him and find him infuriating (#1-5)

On second thought, he's endearing & fun (#6-10)

Grief is complicated & he's all tangled up in mine (#11-15)

I love him & think highly of him (#16-20)

I rely on him & though it's hard for me, I trust him (#21-25)

I hate him and find him infuriating (#1 - 5)

1) He thinks he’s so smart and can psychoanalyze me and Bruce, but he doesn’t know me at all, he should get lost (New Titans 61)

2) He thinks he’s so smart and can psychoanalyze Bruce but he doesn’t know Bruce at all, he should get lost (Gotham Knights 26)

3) He is so nosy about stuff that is MY business (Robin 0)

4) He sounds like an insincere suck-up half the time... but okay, fine, if you push him he's got a sense of humor about it (New Titans 65)

5) I'm sure he's a better vigilante than me. It's my fault for being a failure, but I resent him anyway. (Nightwing 9 - Dick's having a nightmare)

On second thought, he's kinda endearing (#6-10)

6) He worries too much and gets anxious so easily, but it makes him fun to tease (Robin 67)

7) I'm not that competitive - okay, so maybe I'm a little competitive, I gotta make sure he doesn't get a swelled head (Prodigal)

8) I'm supposed to be his favorite! It is not cool for him to be fanboying over my not-girlfriend's not-boyfriend!! (Birds of Prey 19)

9) We have fun together. I can kick back and relax when it's just the two of us. Plus I get to boss him around a bit. (Prodigal)

10) He’s always trying to reassure me, and I guess it's a little comforting, but also he doesn’t really get it. Or me. He makes excuses that he shouldn't, because he doesn't understand that I suck. (Nightwing 64)

Grief is complicated and he's all tangled up in mine (#11 - 15)

11) He reminds me of everything I try not to think about. Sometimes the memories are so strong it hurts to look at him. (Batman 441)

12) WHY IS HE BEING IMPOSSIBLE ALL OF A SUDDEN??? THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING (Nightwing 139)

13) We're the same. He says all the things I don't let myself think about. It's like arguing with myself. (Nightwing 139)

14) He thinks he gets to tell me what to do but he doesn’t, fuck him (Battle for the Cowl)

15) Life sucks, so what. I sucked it up so he should too (RR 1)

I love him and think highly of him (#16 - 20)

16) He’s the closest thing to a brother I’ll ever have.  If someone hurts him I will hurt them harder. (Nightwing 6)

17) I can't handle the idea of losing him. (Nightwing 97)

17) He’s so good and I’m not. I'm afraid I’m bad for him. (Nightwing 110)

18) He’s better than me, and it’s kind of a relief because I know no matter what he’ll be okay. (Gates of Gotham 3)

19) In my head he’s the responsible one.  (Gotham Knights 10)

I rely on him, and though it's hard for me, I trust him (#20-25)

20) I know I have to trust him but I'm afraid he'll make the wrong choices and get hurt (Nightwing 139)

21) I'm sure I know what he should do because I see myself in him - not that I can take my own advice, but he should (Blackest Night 3)

22) I trust him.  When I’m losing my grip on things, he pulls me back. (Gotham Knights 10)

23) I want him to trust me (Red Robin 12)

24) He can tell when I'm lying. Sometimes he sees my weaknesses better than I wish he did. (Detective Comics 874)

25) He’s always there when I need him. (Teen Titans / Outsiders Secret Files)

Final rambling thoughts:

TIM: Uhh, okay, so I'm just skimming this list - do you really trust me? you're not just saying that? - but anyway, I'm confused because you left some stuff out? Like some stuff that's kinda important? DICK: No? I think I got everything? TIM (starts counting on his fingers): The time I was having a bad day but then I called you. The time I got captured by Two-Face but then you saved me. The time I fell off a train but then you saved me. The time I fell off a building but then you saved me. The time I fell off a different building - DICK: I feel like you're trying to make some kind of point but I'm not sure what it could be.

SO THE THING IS, I put 25 panels in here and not a single one has Dick catching Tim when he’s falling!!! But I think that's a central motif of their relationship from Tim’s POV, not Dick’s. I love Dick, but in some ways I think he is spectacularly un-self-aware.

And I think he especially has a lot of blind spots about Tim. He kinda intermittently gets that Tim admires him, and he enjoys it in a playful I-get-to-boss-you-around way. But Dick tends to consistently underestimate all of his own good qualities & skills, and he meets Tim at a point in his life when he's especially down on himself & his abilities. And so he's unable to see his own influence on Tim, & therefore unable to fully understand a lot of Tim's priorities and loyalties and motivations, because you can't actually understand Tim without understanding Dick's impact on him. There's a fascinating moment in Bruce Wayne: Murderer when Dick's completely blindsided & upset to discover that Tim doesn't entirely trust Bruce, even though this has been a definitive fact of Tim's whole thing ever since he showed up with his Batman needs Robin theory, and Barbara has to actively remind Dick of the obvious-to-everyone-except-Dick fact that a lot of Tim's loyalty is to Dick, and Tim loves Bruce but feels free to be more wary of him. (And to give Bruce credit: this is not something he ever begrudges.) But anyway Babs points this out, and Dick manages to sorta process it for about five seconds, but he cannot actually accept it into his worldview so instead he discards it at the speed of light and goes off and has an argument with Tim instead sdfsfdsf

All of Dick's virtues - Dick's kindness at the circus and Dick's determination to fight through grief and Dick's rigid sense of morals and Dick's vigilante skills and every time Dick has ever backed Tim up or listened to him or protected him or saved him from something or just been casually kind to a stranger in Tim's presence etc etc etc - all these things loom really large in Tim's mental story of Who Dick Is, and What Dick And Tim's Relationship Is. Tim meets Dick before he meets Bruce, trusts Dick more than Bruce, aspires to be Robin instead of Batman. And so in Tim's default version of the story, Dick is the super-special and admirable hero and Tim is... nobody in particular, a tagalong outsider who's barely managing to be a hero, not part of Dick and Bruce's family and not part of their story, who, if he's VERY LUCKY and tries REALLY HARD, might be able to fight his way to proving himself and offering something to Dick that Dick will value, if Dick doesn't get fed up with him first.

But that's not Dick's version of the story!!!

Dick's version of the story is almost the exact opposite, a story where Dick's an outcast failure black sheep who's screwing up everything he tries, and meanwhile Tim is The Sudden New Perfect Robin Who's Better Than Me And Probably Bruce Loves Him More And Probably They Gossip About What A Loser I Am, mixed with a complicated edge of Tim Thinks He's So Smart But He Doesn't Know Me/Us At All. Dick gets much more attached to Tim over time, and Tim gets unnervingly better at the know-it-all psychoanalysis so then Dick gets to have complicated feelings about him being right instead of just annoyance at him for being wrong, plus Dick's relationship with Bruce improves a lot, so Tim stops feeling so threatening. But Dick never fundamentally changes his basic theory of their relationship in which Tim is highly impressive and capable, and Dick is not so much.

And so asking Dick about Tim is kinda like if you asked George Bailey to tell you about Harry Bailey in It's A Wonderful Life; like, you'll be there for five hours while he tells you how great Harry is, and how accomplished Harry is, and how he doesn't really get how or why Harry does the things he does, and maybe George does feel a little resentful or jealous sometimes, but that pales in comparison to all his admiration and trust for Harry who he loves so much, who's better than him in so many ways, and he's not gonna openly gripe but secretly he can't help but feel sometimes like he's such a failure in comparison to Harry, a perfect person who emerged fully formed from Zeus's head with all the virtues and also all the accomplishments, etc. etc. etc. --

-- and he will not actually remember the part where he changed and saved Harry's whole entire life unless you literally send him to an alternate timeline in order to force him to remember it. <3

[pupyuj]

Omg the recent liz fic one was so good but what about Rei keeps trying (unsuccessfully) to breed reader . They get so fed up that they pin reader down and fuck their brains out, successfully impregnating them.

YET ANOTHER AWESOME REI ASK you guys are on a roll omg?? 😭 i think i had too much fun with the non-smut part so this is going to be a bit longer than my usual drabbles :] (the next one is too!)

[cw: g!p rei, breeding.]

aww precious wifey reibear who wants you to have her kids so, so badly :(( you’ve been trying for a while but nothing seems to be working… even going as far as to visit a doctor to see if there was some kind of complication on either your or rei’s end but hell, even the doctor made a (strange) comment about how you and rei should be “at the prime state to have a platoon of babies” but it always seemed like no matter how much you tried, having a kid didn’t seem all too likely 💔 you’ve never let it get you down ofc but rei was… a different story!

it made her really sad! ☹️ it was so disheartening to see her suddenly just become to quiet and… private 😞 ever since that doctor’s visit, she has been discouraged from even having sex with you bcs in her mind, she thinks that every time she failed to give you a baby, you feel disappointed at her but that couldn’t be more far from the truth—you loved rei so much, with or without a kid.

now 😭 what kinda sets her off is something as innocent as getting a baby shower invitation from one of your guys’ friends 💀 you’d watch her walk back in forth in a frustrated manner right in front of you as you sat on the bed, “i mean, is that not a little insensitive considering we talked about how our situation is going over dinner with them a few weeks ago?! that’s like, me coming up to you when you’ve just lost a family member and celebrating that my dad has woken up from his ten-year long comatose or something!” and you would laugh at the comparison… if you didn’t think your wife was sounding a bit absurd 😭😭

“honey, i think they’re just… trying to help get some things off our minds.”

“yeah because waving the fact that they can have babies totally helps,” she’d snap at you but she’ll immediately feel bad about it :(( “…i’m sorry. i’m yelling.”

“it’s okay, just come sit with me,” you pat the empty space beside you and rei was more than willing to be close to your warmth, letting you brush her hair away from her face and everything 🥺 “i’m sure our friends didn’t mean to offend us—they wouldn’t. they probably didn’t think it would be a big deal since they’re just so excited for us to be there.”

“i just wish… we’d have this too. baby showers, parties, posting an off-putting but ultimately adorable ultrasound video of our kid in our instagram stories and… so much more.” poor reibear just wants to have a family :(( with you! the most amazing woman she has ever met and it kills her so much that she can’t just . fucking give you one!

“i know, hon… and i understand,” you wanted nothing more than a family with her too, but it really hurts to see the love of your life so dismayed about your persistent inability to have a kid :(( but you can’t let her believe that she can’t at all! “but just because it’s not happening now doesn’t mean it never will, okay? it’s going to happen, we’ll be ready, and everything will be perfect. just like you.” giving her a little boop on the nose just to see her beautiful smile and just like that, your lovely wife was back to being her cheerful, energetic self 🥺🫠

rei feeling the need to just touch you after all of that :(( hands all over you while you kiss her, and she's so hasty that she doesn't even bother to undress you or herself all the way before she lays you down on your shared bed 🥺 the moment she hears you moan feeling her throbbing cock rubbing against your soaked panties is the moment rei loses all self-control and her greed just takes over 😵‍💫 ofc she's careful not to rough you up too much, even tho there's something in the back of her head that's telling her that you like it when she does that... but today she's making love! 🫣🥰

she's taking care of you so well :(( face buried in your neck, moaning so sweetly in your ear at every thrust of her hips, her hands holding your waist so tightly... reibear is not much of a chatterbox when she's quite literally fucking into you (whiner rei agenda RISE!) but she lovesss to tell you how much she loves you 🥰 and she thinks it's not enough to express just how much and that's why she says it a lot :(( she's just . a true lovergirl 😍😍

obsessed with how you hold onto her shirt so tightly, and she can never get enough of the way you leave kisses on her neck... all of this just makes her want to fuck you harder 🫢 fully holding onto your thighs and slightly lifting you up bcs she's so close and it all feels too good to stop now 😵‍💫

you'd cum long before rei does so for the remainder of the time, you'd just lay there—praising her, flirting, making all of the sounds she needs to hear to get to that edge that she longs for 😵‍💫😵‍💫

“cum, rei-yah... inside me. now.” and there it was! rei does exactly that 🫣 ugh, she'd pull out after she finishes but seeing her seed seep out of you just makes her dick hard all over again... and reibear doesn't like a mess, and it looks like she's on clean-up duty! 🤭 she'll definitely fuck her cum back inside you, and thankfully you were all in for it too! 😋 neither of you have felt so fucking good... and it shows when weeks later, you pee on a stick not once, not twice, but three times and the stupid thing(s) finally showed that you are now indeed carrying naoi rei's baby 🎉

[notmorbid]

one little spark.

dialogue prompts from one little spark by ellie banks.

you little asshole.

everything is annoying today. everything.

i've always liked a little scorched earth.

i've never seen the point of going out with quiet dignity and grace.

you like problems.

whatever i do, i do right.

a combination of age and life have left me absolutely fuckless.

you don't need me to take care of you.

has anyone ever told you that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar?

being single is so damned weird.

i'm fond of crashing through caution tape.

if he doesn't take care of you, i'll hunt him down and kill him.

starting small is not in my wheelhouse.

you never seem afraid of being wrong.

how did you get here so fast?

always the dangerous choice.

you don't understand what you saw.

you deserve to have some closure.

sometimes i want to burn this place to the ground.

i'm not sure if it's a dream or a memory.

shut out what you can't control, and focus on what you can.

i try not to engage in wishful thinking, but sometimes it's hard.

maybe it's me. maybe it's that 'bad blood' shit.

if i can't trust you, i can't trust anything.

are you taking care of yourself?

what does 'normal' look like right now?

cheating in your head isn't a thing.

i want to figure out how to embrace what i have left.

do i have _____ on my face?

it's okay to feel like you don't know what you're doing. that's normal.

i don't feel like anything about me is very normal.

i keep grudges like other people keep cats.

sometimes you have to take steps forward, even if they're not in the shoes you would have chosen.

i couldn't stand letting you see me struggle.

everyone has secrets.

you weren't a mistake to me.

no one's ever looked at me like that but you.

it's okay to not know what you feel.

i want you to never blame yourself. for anything.

i was a little bitch to you, and i'm sorry.

why do people like uncertain women so much?

if you were happy, you wouldn't be here.

simmer down, kid.

this isn't a happy place for me.

guilt is different from shame.

what's the difference between god and a surgeon? god doesn't think he's a surgeon.

i always end up telling you my secrets.

how do you think that would've gone, you and me?

____ felt like the safe choice.

i know you can't rebuild from ashes, but you can build something new on top of them.

i would have been there for you, if you'd have let me.

did everyone know but me?

i'm married, not dead.

at least i say what needs saying.

it's not actually hard to be nice to you.

i don't have time for feelings. i've got shit to do.

you're kind of an asshole.

if you can't handle a woman scorned, don't scorn one.

life is a lot more complicated than anybody wants to believe.

i felt like a teenager when i saw you.

you're as afraid as i am.

why aren't you angry with me?

i want us to get to know each other again.

it has been a very long time since i've been on a date.

i don't know why anyone would choose to be single.

you fascinate me.

i don't have time to sit around and marinate in subtlety.

you've been kind of a secret fantasy of mine for a while now.

i always knew i was the main character. thank you for supporting my narcissism.

this will never be over, will it?

no matter what, i want to know you.

i'm going to pour wine.

i really like you. i wasn't supposed to.

i'm trying to just enjoy the moment, but i'm bad at it.

i didn't have words for it then.

i thought maybe things would improve with distance.

when did we finish having all our easy conversations?

you've never liked sunrises. you hate getting up early.

you're my girl. you always were.

for once in my life, i wanted to be the one who got picked.

i wanted to make you my enemy, but you aren't, are you?

you aren't innocent, but you aren't evil, either.

i'm never the bigger person. not for the hell of it.

i don't know if i knew anything about my own life.

i'm not sure what i'm remembering and what i'm dreaming.

the truth will come for you, if you don't come for it first.

'should' doesn't fix anything.

was i ever there for you, or did i just torture you?

i remember the first time you held my hand.

in my lowest moment, you kept me safe. from myself, from everything.

i tried not to think about it. i didn't tell anyone.

i'm really not mature enough for this.

timing has never really been my strong suit.

i'm just hormonal. it's making me weird.

i wanted to make sure that you were taken care of.

don't ask questions you don't want the answers to.

i want to be as strong as you are. that's all i want.

i don't see a way forward without you, one way or the other.

you made my life here not hell.

you can be sorry and still forgive yourself.

your conscience isn't my problem.

i'm not one to argue with fate.

you got your character arc, after all. good for you.

[halfway-happyyy]

it's my bday soon so can i have some hcs about how frank would be spending his girl's bday? 😖

oooh, mine too! are we birthday buddies? mine's may 5th 🪇

- frank is not casual about your birthday at all.

- the man starts planning thinking about it about a week in advance. in the years that you guys had been together, he'd only managed to miss it once, and though you were absolutely fine - (the Nelson, Murdock, and Page trio had certainly seen to that) - he vowed to never let it happen again.

- sex. it's always incredible with frank, but birthday sex just hits different with him. his favourite part of the process is kissing you awake, and then settling between your legs, his hot, languid tongue lighting every nerve ending in your body ablaze. he coaxes orgasm after orgasm out of you before the golden sun's even risen for the day - "c'mon, sweetheart - I know you can give me one more. there we go, that's it." peppers ticklish kisses to your temple, your cheeks, your nose, your lips. "plenty more where those came from, your birthdays' only just begun."

- gifts. the man's never been one for grand gestures, and you've never been one to want for them, so it all evens out. he pays close attention to you throughout the year; what interests you've harbored, which hobbies you've taken up. when he eventually gets around to asking you what you'd like, your answer is always the same - "you, frank. I just want you." you want him content - not even necessarily happy, because that's a complicated emotion for him - but healthy, and strong. "you've got me kid, for as long as you'll have me. now stop being so damn stubborn and tell me what you want."

- traditions. he's big on 'em, despite everything. they're a remnant of his past life, and something he really only feels comfortable exploring with you, but he looks forward to your birthday every year because of them.

one of his favourites? making you breakfast in bed. it's never anything fancy, but belgian waffles and an assortment of mixed fruits are usually his go-to. if you ever wanted to go out for dinner, he'd be more than happy to take you, but he knows how much you value his cooking, and home has never been so cozy as when its just the two of you.

another one of his favourite traditions is finding out what cake you're feeling that year and going all-out with it. black forest? no problem. victoria sponge? he's got no idea what the hell that is, but you're gettin' it. this year, when he finally finds out your wish is for a fresh tiramisu, sarah lieberman happily whips one up for you.

- you are his first introduction to taurus women. and like - he's been blessed to have had some pretty strong and amazing women in his life, but have any of them ever been as stubborn as you? have any of them ever driven him to the brink of insanity just to pull him back and make him sick with yearning all over again? the jury's still out on that one.

- your favourite part of the day is actually the evening. the only source of light in the room emanating from the candles that gutter in the cool evening breeze. you're nose-to-nose beneath the sheets, every beautiful fleck of gold in his eyes, suspended in a sea of burnt honey. "did ya have a good day, kid?" "the best day, frank." "did you make a wish at dinner?" "I did." he traces a tan, calloused fingertip down the side of your cheek, your lips, your neck."you should make another one now, just between us two." your eyelids are heavy with the weight of looming sleep, but you smile regardless. "okay, frank."

- he wants to make your birthday special not because he feels obligated to, but because he genuinely derives pleasure from treating you well. from seeing you happy. he works hard to make you feel loved each and every day throughout the year (some days are certainly better than others), but your birthday is an excuse to show you how much you mean to him, and he doesn't take it lightly in the slightest.

[astroyongie]

꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦ Kpop Tea Part 2. ꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦

Note: there's the list of some teas to celebrate my come back <3 This second part is only concerning male idols! WARNINGS: All names are censured. Requests with emojis asking for names won't be answered. Some tea can be sensitive. One X per member per group. Take it lightly EVERYTHING DONW THROUGH TAROT ! Ps: Ta*** is not included in nct 127 nor will be mentioned in my nct posts again.

NCT 127

X has a lot of regrets on what is currently happening with the group and what happened with * . this message here leaves to believe he knew what was happening but never truly addressed the issue

X's also doesn't has any consentment responsibility

X's is actually happy that * left the group and he feels quite more free with that decisions but he believes that the fault is at the company too for giving some members too much freedom

X is currently dealing with some heavy addiction

X has received a proposal from another company to join after the end of the contract with SM

X's is hella happy that * left the group

X is super angry, so much that it is affecting him into another level. this because he didn't know about the whole scandal and when he learnt of it, it made him feel a lot of anger toward *

X is investing a lot on other things than the entertainment as he isn't planing to do stay around in SM for long years

NCT Dream

X knows a lot more of what happens in the company than what he lets to see. he probably has the most dirt on the other members

X is not happy in his relationship but he doesn't want to leave them because it would mean to beak down years of happiness. breaking this off would also mean a lot of issues

expect X to go through a physical transformation

X has what we call an artificial heart. he is incapable of feeling love for people that isn't tangled in desire or lust

X has been working so much on himself, trying so much to see himself, he sacrifices so much to be able to provide better life for himself, his members but also trainees

WayV

X is in a relationship but that doesn't stop him from cheating with people inside the company

X is under the influence of someone extremely negative for himself and his own heath, but he is too blind on this

X's intimate relationships could become an issue if they were exposed to the public

X has sometimes outbursts of physical violence toward others

X is super jealous of his other members and he will sometimes try to 'steal' what they have for himself

X is smart and he isn't afraid of competition or of people in the company.

Stray Kids

X is broken, all of his fragmented self is one constituting only one, the issue is that instead of fixing what's broken, he has picked up the fragments and tried to do something about it but it as made him more vulnerable

X's mental health keeps being my greatest worry. I am scared for him

X's truly needs to be careful with who he sleeps with unless he wants to have surprised and he also should go forward with his solo project

x has plain conscience that he is in a complicated situation with his love life and his career at the moment

X's energy is currently filled with jealousy, affective dependence and obsession that he has over his current partner. but x has also been having some self destructive behaviors

X has been too prideful which made him burn his fingers with this person. his goal wont work out

X believes that he was born to suffer which is the reason why he always accept the stupidities of the company, like he accepts the mistreatment and believes for it to be necessary

X is in a relationship, his affectionate and intimate life is all right but also this includes his family. he is truly happy

Monsta X

X has been calling for help via media and yet no one has noticed it

X regrets being an idol, as he believes that he wasn't born to be who he is. he regrets to have lost so much of his childhood to this

X could literally ruin everyone's career in the industry if he dared to open his mouth

X is preservating something that could potentially be problematic

X has been manipulating and cheating on his partner. he has turned his relationship into a toxic gaslighting one and he has Toal control over his partner

X is so blind to his own pain that he doesnt notice that he is hurting the people around him

TXT

X has big self esteem and self image issues which often result into body dysphoria and potentially into eating habits that arent healthy

X was able to adapt to the new situation that has been happening to him and the group

X is currently celebrating a win that he has been fighting for a long time

X isn't known to smell very well in amount the idols

X is alone in the world as a sense where he knows doesnt have close or true friends as one can understand it

Seventeen

X is the one who has the most financial gain surprisingly

X has been trying to get closer to his family and also putting boundaries between his idol life and his private life. he hates when fans ask about his private life

X is capable to see some type of ghosts or veils to a certain point

X has been feeling very vulnerable lately, mostly because he has allowed some people to see him In all his glory and naked self, without covers, revealing some of his insecurities

X's pride will be his downfall

X is full of positive energy and he is also preparing some time of solo project. he has been thinking about having a child

X is totally and unhealthy obsessed with his partner

X is going through some type of grief

X has sacrificed a lot on his life, love and family for this career and he hates that he isnt appreciated enough for it

X is taking a new step into his life. this man just wants to marry and be done with this

X was able to come to terms with his own demons, with his own griefs and issues as he is now focusing on himself and his health

everything you know about x, all the interviews, all the videos, all the content. that is 100 percent his idol self. his true self is nothing like that

X is currently in love and loving his true big passion

BTS

no matter what X will do with his career, there's victory for him and he knows it

X next solo will be a success

X's dreams are too big to be achievable even for him. it seems like producers arent keen to do what he wants

X is goign through a lot of introspection as he believes that his life needs to improve

X has been working in a project that will equal bring a lot of success and stability for himself

X is totally focused on his career right now, as nothing else matters

it doesn't matter how much X was broken in the past by the one person who turned him the way he is. he wont heal himself, he refuse to cry for the her

EXO

X loves his job, he really does, but he truly wants to end his contract so he can marry his partner and have his life

X is not living in the present and that is his biggest mistake

X doesnt want official relationships, he wants to mess around, to lie passionate things instead of a official relationship that because he believes love is superficial

X has been dealign a lot with his mental health and his sensibility can be seen and felt through his interactions

this X is nothing but lies whenever he opens his mouth to talk about something. his whole success is based on lies

X is going to go through grief, either from a family member, friend or a relationship (this doesnt mean necessarily physical death)

X is helped by shamans

X has been trying to heal from the abuse, the submission and the abandonment he has lived these past years. although he is trying to heal form all of it

X doesn't remember himself, he doesnt remember who he was before the fame and that kinda of fucks up his mentality and his mental health

Ateez

X has been struggling a lot with his mental health and you may notice how he has lost his 'color'

new opportunity coming for X

X is doign well after a very rough period on his life. he is glowing

X's latests communications in his social/interviews/media has been the realest he has been so far

X is currently going for revenge after someone has broken his heart in a way he never thought being possible

X and pregnancy scare

X has been forgiven by someone he has hurt pronfundly

X believes that he needs to atone for some of his behaviors he had in the past that could bring him issues

The Boyz

X has hope that everything he has done will be put under a rag

X is clear, probably one of the only male idols who has never done anything bad in his life

X is faithful to his relationship and has not cheated once

X is balanced and in good health at the moment

X should be using protection If he doesnt want to have a baby scare

X has been missing his family quite a lot, and it pains him that his schedule doesnt give him the freedom to be home

The company is protecting X from some info to go out in the public which could cause a big scandal

X is waiting for his contract to end so he can leave the company

X is often mistaken by someone evil but he is actually super compassionate with people

X's sexual energy is very heavy and he needs to be careful on who he gets involved with to avoid issues

X is still searching for his life meaning and for a love that could fullfy him

Enhypen

X is still in a relationship and he doesnt care of what people say since he is truly in love with them

I don't understand how X can be so pacifist and calm among so many thorns. this man could ruin a few lives

X has been equally protected of scandals by his company

somethign bad happened between x and a higher up that I cannot speak of

X has an important travel to do that will give him some media attention

X solo opportunity

ZeroBaseOne

X has good intuition which is the reason he seems like someone collected on the outside

X is single and completely free to do whatever he wants and he also doesnt care anyone of what the public says about him

the depths of X energy are quite heavy to look at

X is clever enough to avoid troubles even when he does them

X is equally enjoying his life by flinging with whoever he feels like

X has been being more careful compared to his teammates when it comes to do things that could be complicated to deal with in the public

X's mental health has improved greatly

expect X to change something about his visual !

X is currently dealing with a broken heart from his last relationship that terminated

Riize

X's is changing his whole self and probably changing a few things on his idol persona

solo opportunity or project for X

X's energy has been very active, I just hope he knows what he is doing

X might get violent sometimes when he feels overwhelmed

X realize that he hates being an idol but now he cant do anything about it

X's is physically and mentally the most stable in this group

it might not seem like it but X has so much power over his members because he knows things

[ludolka]

“So what happens now?” An Activity detected gribeans fanfic

I’m going insane over @wren-kitchens ‘s fanfic based on my previous comic (it’s so good, everyone go read it now !! ) I had to write a continuation to it and finally give these two a happy ending. I hope it’s alright that I wrote this with your fic in mind, Wren 👉🏻👈🏻

Summary; Joel has a “talk” with Birdie then he gets his shit together to finally actually talk to Grian about his feelings, their situation and how to go forward

Word count; 3722

It took a while for Joel to be able to fall asleep. His eyes strung from crying and his head hurt like he was hungover. The constant dull burning ache on his chest ever since he “ended” things with Grian wasn’t helping. He briefly wondered if Grian’s symbol burnt like that too, if that was something that connected them. Before falling asleep he thought of Birdie, how this would change what was going on between them. A part of him just assumed he’d never see him again, that’d make sense with how closely Birdie and Grian were connected. He knew that if he did end up meeting Birdie again, he’d have to “break up” with him as well, he couldn’t continue having a relationship in his dreams with the man he just ended things with in real life. That’d hurt too much and wouldn’t help him move on. He just wasn’t sure how ready he was for a second heartbreak in the matter of a single night. He wasn’t sure how Birdie would take the news or if he had already known and how the whole symbol thing was going to play out moving forward. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to see Birdie for a while, he didn’t know if he had enough willpower to reject him as well, someone who was always so open about loving him back

He opened his eyes in the white void and sighed, collecting himself mentally before looking around for Birdie. And when he saw Birdie he knew this would go down a lot messier and more complicated than it did with Grian. Birdie was fuming, Joel hadn’t seen such raw fury on someone before. His eyes looked like they were actually glowing and his piercing stare felt like daggers. His usually light purple wings were a different shade of purple now as well, darker and more blue. Joel’s symbol burnt under his shirt

“You are an idiot! A cowardly idiot!”

He yelled and Joel flinched at the volume, the words were making his head hurt and spin. And seeing Birdie be so offensive instead of how passively defensive Grian was, it made Joel angry once again and get into an equally offensive position

“Cowardly? Me? Do you even hear yourself?! Tell that to him, he was being a fucking coward! I did what I had to do!”

Joel yelled back and took some steps closer, subconsciously trying to appear more intimidating by towering over Birdie. Grian looked so small and fragile earlier that night as he basically collapsed onto himself, but no matter how the two had the same height and build, Birdie looked anything, but small and fragile. He looked like he could take on a man double his size and win without breaking a sweat

“You didn’t have to do any of that! What the fuck was even your problem? Wanting your life back? Don’t make me laugh, how could you want honesty from him when you can’t even be honest yourself?!”

Joel’s eye twitched and he felt like punching him. Birdie’s condescending tone and intense eye contact sure felt like he was challenging Joel to punch him

“Yes, I want my life back! I can’t forever just be a fucking puppy, following him around everywhere! Where am I in all of this?! I don’t want to always push myself to the side and only take his feelings into consideration! I wanted to have an honest conversation with him, but he’s too much of a coward to even do that!”

Joel’s anger was rising with each word and he felt good letting everything out that he has been holding in for so long. Birdie’s wings were spread out and puffed up and he glared up at Joel

“Why are you telling me this?! Tell him! You want a conversation, but all you managed to tell him was that “you couldn’t do this anymore” and “it had to end”? Where’s the honesty in that?! You haven’t even tried to tell him about your dreams or your symbol or you going behind my back to get information on me from a stranger! You’re just as much of a coward as he is! I’m asking you once again, how can you expect honesty from him when you can’t be honest in return?”

Joel stopped for a moment, his mind freezing up. So Birdie knew about his conversation with Cleo, but hasn’t brought it up since then. And even in his anger, he had to accept Birdie had a point. It was like his words were directly put in Joel’s mind as they were, leaving no room for misinterpretation. But before he could make a rebuttal, Birdie continued, getting closer and jamming a finger into Joel’s chest

“You know he can’t be honest because of his shame for who he is. But you already fucking know who he is, who I am. Maybe you should have started with that instead of throwing a temper tantrum if you wanted a conversation”

Birdie wasn’t yelling anymore, but his unsettlingly calm and icy tone was somehow worse. Admittedly Joel hasn’t realized the thing that held Grian back was something he already knew and accepted. It just never clicked for him. And he wanted to yell something back, he wasn’t even sure what, just to get his anger out, but the next thing he knew he opened his eyes in his bedroom

He briefly thought about how this was the first time Birdie just kicked him out of his own dream, but his mind was too focused on what was going on in his body. He could barely breathe, he felt like he was suffocating as he sat up and hyperventilated while clutching his shirt. He has never had a panic attack before, but this was what one must have felt like. He genuinely thought he was having a heart attack and dying. His symbol burnt under his shirt

He let out a bitter, miserable laugh while still trying to even out his breathing, thinking about Cleo’s words of gods not taking breakups well and how this all felt like petty punishment for him choosing himself for once

Even after calming down and the suffocating feeling going away, this sinking feeling of dread didn’t leave him and the burning didn’t subside either. He felt awful, much worse than before he fell asleep. He was sitting outside on his balcony and picked up his phone to look at the time. It was 4:13 am. He wasn’t sure how long he’s been awake or sitting outside, just smoking one cigarette after another, but he still felt like exploding. He felt like he needed to do something, anything. Maybe go on a run or drive wherever the fastest he could before he ran out of gas or got pulled over for speeding

He kept looking back at his phone, his lockscreen being a stupid picture he took of Grian really not helping how he was feeling. He felt guilty, oh so guilty, but also completely justified. He was also very much missing Grian, regardless of how their last fight or his meeting with Birdie went. If they wanted to continue being friends or at least be on friendly terms, he should maybe at least apologize. Birdie’s words continued to ring in his head and he couldn’t help, but feel like he didn’t even give Grian a chance at a honest conversation, which he still wanted to have despite everything. The part of him that was still very much in love with Grian still held out hope that they could fix this. The other part of him hated himself for this

It took another half an hour before he called Grian. He didn’t just want to send him a text, that would have felt too impersonal. He wasn’t sure if Grian would even pick up so early in the morning, but his phone beeped after the fourth ring

“Yes?”

Joel bit his lip at how Grian sounded, so exhausted and emotionless. He was already regretting calling Grian, but he couldn’t just turn back now

“Hey. I wanted to talk”

He looked at the cigarette in his hand, the ash burning and dropping at its end while he waited for Grian to reply

“Alright”

Joel could feel his temper rising again, he hated how he was expected to do all the talking and explaining because Grian was upset and that made him not want to give more than one or two worded answers

“I wanted to apologize for yelling at you, but I stand by what I said. As much as I love you, I don’t like feeling like a side character in my own life. I can’t wait forever for you to make up your mind about what you want. I shouldn’t have yelled, but feeling so out of control over my own life made me explode”

“I’m sorry. I understand what having no control over your own life feels like, it makes one act out”

Joel hummed and he felt a bit surprised that Grian was willing to talk a bit more openly than before. Maybe Birdie was right about openly talking instead of yelling. He couldn’t help, but feel a bit annoyed at what Grian said though, Grian seemingly had perfect control over his life and everything went according to how he wanted it to

“I want you to be honest with me, but I’ve realized I need to be completely honest with you for that as well”

Joel could feel Grian’s nervousness over the phone, but he just gave an affirmative hum, signing to Joel to continue. Joel took a long puff of his cigarette before talking again, metaphorically ripping off the bandaid

“I know who you are. Or well not exactly, I don’t know details about who exactly you are, but I know enough. I know that you’re a vessel or a god, whichever, doesn’t matter, I know about the symbol on your thigh and I have the same symbol on my chest. It’s been burning all night. This is why you can’t be honest and open with me, right? Because of this?”

Joel tried to keep his voice as steady as he could. He wanted to go on and tell Grian about his dreams and Birdie and the kind of relationship they had, but he waited for Grian’s response first. Grian went silent for a while and Joel had to check he didn’t just hang up, but after a while he heard quick breathing. Joel briefly thought about maybe ripping the bandaid off wasn’t the best way to go about this, but he couldn’t bring himself to care too much. If Grian still ran, then he’d let him and wouldn’t chase after him. He however felt some gratitude when the burning subsided a bit. He had to remind himself that while Birdie couldn’t necessarily talk, he was still always listening

“I- how- how do you know that?”

Grian’s voice cracked and it was now filled with a lot more emotion than before. Joel thought he sounded panicked and he had to hold his phone away from his ear a bit when the line loudly crackled

“You uh.. or well your god has been visiting me in my dreams for some months now. He told me who he was and gave me this symbol. I didn’t believe him until I woke up with it. He visited me tonight to yell at me then gave me a panic attack when I woke up”

Joel had an emotionless smile as he said that last sentence. He took a puff of his cigarette again as he waited for Grian to respond again. The whole situation seemed so absurd to him, with how casually he was talking about this. He really has come a long way, he really now thought of Birdie being a god as something completely normal and mundane

“I.. I can’t have this conversation over the phone. Could you come over?”

Joel noted how out of his element Grian sounded. He sounded so powerless and uncertain. This was also the first time Grian has asked Joel to come over to his place. They never went there, only to Joel’s. Joel has only ever been inside Grian’s place once and that was only for a short time with other people present. He thought for a bit, knowing this would only turn out bad with him going back on his word because Grian looked at him a certain way that made him feel bad, but he agreed in the end

In half an hour Joel was outside Grian’s door, knocking. He didn’t even bother to get changed from how he slept, he was in his boxers and just threw on a hoodie he found on the ground to not be shirtless at least. Grian opened the door and let him in, leading him in his room after he took his shoes off. Once sitting on his bed, Joel tried his hardest not to stare at Grian’s face, whose eyes were on the floor and who looked like he was grieving with puffy eyes and cheeks. And for once Joel didn’t want to be the one to start the conversation, so he waited until Grian spoke

“So.. you know. How long?”

His voice was still quiet and raspy and he refused to look at Joel

“Some months. But I’ve only known for sure for two weeks”

Joel felt so tired and powerless by that point, this night really has taken the fight out of him. But by the looks of it, Grian was feeling the same

“Why haven’t you told me?”

There was no accusation or emotion behind his question, but Joel could see his expression shift as he most likely tried to keep his feelings under control. Joel could even swear he saw Grian’s eye color change to purple for a second or two

“I wanted to wait until you told me. But I feel like that would have meant I would have had to wait until I died”

“He has been visiting you in your dreams? What is he like?”

Joel decided to ignore how Grian ignored what he said. He thought for a moment on how to answer that question

“He’s a lot like you, but more open and expressive. He looks like you too, just with wings and purple eyes. He loves me or well loved me, I don’t know anymore. I love him too”

Joel bitterly thought about that last part and sighed. He couldn’t just be expected to get over his feelings in a couple of hours, he knew how that took at least months. He slightly raised an eyebrow at the change in Grian at that. He finally looked up at Joel and furrowed his brows

“You love him”

Now that sounded accusing and Joel heard a hint of concealed anger behind it. He felt a bit confused why this part was upsetting Grian

“I do”

Joel kept the eye contact and Grian’s expression darkened. He got reminded of Birdie with the way Grian was staring at him, piercing eyes regardless of color

“Why? Why do you love him?”

Grian bit his lip to stop himself from saying more, but there was such anger and hatred when he referred to Birdie that confused Joel. Birdie always talked either in a neutral or positive way about Grian, always talking like while they were in different bodies, they were still one team. Grian sounded like even the thought of Birdie was venomous, like he was someone completely different and separate from himself

“Why, are you jealous?”

Grian glared at Joel before turning away again. He didn’t even need to say anything for Joel to know that was indeed the case. He found this rather amusing, he has had a conversation with Birdie before about cheating and boundaries and Birdie laughed at the concept of him being jealous of Joel kissing or doing more with Grian. Birdie asked Joel how could he possibly be jealous of himself, how silly that would be. So he took Grian’s chin in his hand and turned him to face him again

“Why are you jealous of yourself? He sees himself as an extension of you. I love him because he’s you. Besides, you can’t be jealous of who I love when you won’t even have me”

The irony of Grian being jealous while not even willing to kiss Joel when they are sober wasn’t lost on him. Not that he could blame him for being jealous like this, he himself would freak out if Grian told him he loved someone else. Grian glared at him for a bit longer before he sprung to action. He got his head out of Joel’s hold and leaned over to Joel, smashing their lips together. Joel was so surprised he didn’t even react, he just blinked. Grian pulled back after a couple of seconds and stared up at Joel with the same intense, angry eyes he saw on Birdie

“We aren’t drunk”

Joel breathed out the same thing Grian told him before. He was pretty sure Grian was sober at least and he himself had nothing to drink. The whiplash was strong with Grian’s actions and behavior. Maybe Birdie was right about this being the thing that held Grian back and now that dam is broken, the floodgates are open

“I don’t care”

Grian pulled Joel back, kissing him again and this time Joel kissed back. The kiss was full of hunger and raw emotion and Joel noted how much better it felt sober than drunk. His hands quickly found Grian’s sides, sliding his hands under his shirt to hold his skin and Grian’s arms were wrapped around Joel’s shoulders with his hands in his hair. They pulled away after a while for air, but didn’t move from their position

“I should make you jealous more often”

Joel laughed after his panting died down and Grian kissed him again

“Don’t you dare”

Was said between kisses and Joel was so caught up in the feeling and the sensation of the situation that he didn’t even realize his symbol has completely stopped burning

-

He woke up some hours later in Grian’s bed with Grian’s body pressed close to his. He yawned and when he looked over, he saw Grian was already awake and looking at him

“Mornin’, princess”

He gave a light squeeze to Grian’s waist where one of his arms were and he looked back up at the ceiling, his head resting comfortably on the pillow. He felt a bit awkward and uncertain, he wasn’t sure how this morning would play out after the rollercoaster ride last night was. He was half expecting Grian to go back to their old dynamic and pretend like nothing happened. He felt like he could cry at that very real possibility. He wasn’t sure how he could go through with breaking things off again after everything that was said and done last night, he wasn’t sure if he had the willpower for that, but he knew he wouldn’t survive going back to only drunk kissing when he now knew what the real deal was like

But before he got too deep into his head, he felt Grian nuzzle his face against his neck

“I can hear you think, stop it. It’s too early for that”

Grian’s muffled voice sounded much more like his usual voice than last night’s. Joel slightly smiled at the teasing before he furrowed his eyebrows and turned his head in Grian’s direction. But before he could say anything, Grian beat him to it

“No, I can’t actually hear your thoughts. I’m not a mind reader, you know”

That wasn’t exactly convincing and Joel furrowed his eyebrows more when Grian lifted his head and giggled at him. He relaxed a bit and just stared at Grian for a bit, whose giggling has died down and he tilted his head to the side. Things felt so familiar and comfortable like before, but now without that dull suffocating feeling that always followed. It felt like the veil was lifted

“So what now? How do we go forward?”

Joel didn’t feel like having a repeat of last night’s conversation with Grian playing dumb and oblivious. He desperately hoped Grian was willing to openly answer this question now without the games

“Well, how do you want to go forward? I’ll have you if you’ll have me. If that’s still what you want. You matter in this equation too, I shouldn’t make this decision myself”

Joel felt like he could cry happy tears at that answer. Not only was Grian finally being direct for once in his fucking life, Joel also felt like he had a say in what happened. He felt like he could get on his knees to thank both his past self for that initial phone call at 5 am and Birdie for yelling some sense into him

“I want an actual relationship”

Grian nodded, but he seemed a little uncertain, his previous confidence flailing a bit. He bit his lip as looked at Joel. But for once Joel didn’t take this uncertainty as a sign for rejection, he thought they were past that

“I haven’t been in a relationship before”

Joel couldn’t help, but laugh and Grian looked away, flustered and clearly embarrassed. He pulled Grian closer. He wouldn’t have known how inexperienced Grian was in relationships based on how Birdie acted, Birdie’s nature seemed to be of a spoiled needy boyfriend’s

“That’s alright, baby, I have. I’ll show you how to do it”

He teased and laughed again at Grian getting redder at the nickname. Grian just watched Joel calm down from laughing and he had such a soft expression that Joel felt like he was falling in love all over again

“Alright, then boyfriends it is. But don’t expect me to be all lovey dovey and romantic”

And with that Grian leaned in and kissed Joel. It wasn’t like the ones from last night or when they were drunk. It was gentle and simple. Joel couldn’t understand how they had to make things so difficult for themselves for months, dancing around each other when it could have been this simple the whole time

“Boyfriends it is”

[therebelcaptain]

While I enjoy seeing Cassian having a deep and intimate relationship with Bix as it shows his vulnerability in a way we've not seen before, it also feels at odds with the image of Cassian I’ve had since 2016—someone who had sacrificed everything for the rebellion. The impression I got from lines like “you’re not the only one who lost everything” is that he’d been virtually alone and isolated in this fight for years before we meet him in Rogue One, his only constant companion being K2. It felt like he’d been keeping himself in a prison of his own mind for the sake of the rebellion.

But in this season, Cassian seems more than willing to walk away for the sake of protecting Bix a mere two years before Rogue One. We're at the halfway point and Cassian is a lifetime away from the man we meet in Rogue One—he was honestly much closer at the end of season one. And maybe that's the point—that things like love can get in the way and hold people back from doing what they must in a revolution—but like others have already said here, making it the focal point of both Bix and Cassian's stories this season feels like a disservice to them as individual characters. Hell, it's not even something that hasn't already been explored in the show. Vel and Cinta's relationship in the first season already looked at how complicated it can be to fall in love while in the rebellion, so I'm not even sure of the necessity of doing the same thing with another couple, much less Bix and Cassian. It seems like the writers room decided an end point for the two of them—likely Cassian being forced to kill Bix, if his last conversation with Luthen is anything to go by—before working backwards to somehow make it feel earned instead of constructing a story that actually felt right for the characters.

While this is essentially what Andor is an exercise in, Cassian already has a specific end point that they need to work toward, but the majority of the main cast doesn't. The next batch of episodes picks up a year before the film, so Cassian's going to have to lose everything in one fell swoop in these next episodes otherwise I'm not confident that he will end up where he needs to be by the end. There are things mentioned in the Rogue One novelisation that could be explored in order show Cassian's further evolution into a fully fledged rebel who's willing to do anything for the movement. Jenoport is one such thing that comes to mind, but that probably won't happen given Cassian hasn't even met K-2 yet.

On the other hand, there is a lot more room to play with Bix as a character. Her end point isn't set in stone in the same way that Cassian's is. They could have explored a myriad of things with her character working through the trauma of being tortured and finding her own way to the rebellion as a result. While that is a factor in her story arc this season, it's frustrating to see her relevance to the story be tied so directly to her relationship with Cassian. At this point it's clear that she's only being kept around so her inevitable death can further galvanise his commitment to the rebellion. After everything she's been through as a character, Bix deserves so much more than being fridged for Cassian's story arc.

To those of you who think my opinion on this is because I'm a diehard Rebelcaptain girlie, it really isn't. Like I've said before, I actually like Bix and Cassian as a couple and would have enjoyed their scenes together more in a different context like maybe in a flashback to their youth. I'd always seen them as childhood sweethearts who still loved each other in their own ways, but had grown apart as they got older and their priorities in life changed. That made a lot of sense to me. What doesn't jive with me is that we're seeing this so close to Rogue One where Cassian is supposed to be living for the rebellion first and foremost and seemed to have been for many, many years. And at this point, the gap between these two men is the size of valley.